My first Book Review (may contain some spoilers!)- The Help

One of my New Year's Resolutions is to make a conscious effort to read more. I decided to start a little early when the movie "The Help" was showing in theatres. I heard about this book a long while back and it's been on my list of things the read I "just never got around to it." (I know, lame!) I absolutely adore Emma Stone and I knew I had to watch the movie, but I really wanted to read the book first because movies don't ever give you all the details you need. A few weeks ago I broke down and downloaded The Help e-book for my iPad.

The way the book begins really sets the scene for the whole story. Some books take a while to get in to, where you're actually visualising the people and the setting, not this one. Aibileen starts speaking, and you listen intently and automatically imagine a full figured, strong, black woman in the South. Even her name is strong and wise! As you read through the chapter your imagination floods as all the key people are described almost too abruptly but necessarily. The South is always described through the eyes of the white Southerner and it's refreshing to get a different take on what was happening. There are some characters who you are unable to stand right from the start. You can just hear the shrill, haughty, put out voices of women who never had to lift a finger. There are also some characters you love instantly like Mae Mobley because of the sincerity of their character and what they represent in the story. The book leaves you hopeful about the futures of these characters.

Another cool thing about the book is the way the chapters skip from one person's point of view to the next. Time frames are not strictly followed in the book and I found myself back tracking a few pages to realize what amount of time had passed and how long certain parts of the story took place. This isn't necessarily a con, and I think it was done on purpose to highlight the highs and lows of the book.

One thing I will note as a con even though it might be my own fault is that I was expecting something POWERFUL. I was expecting a gigantic, disturbing, "change it all" twist in the story because the whole book hints towards a huge climax and I never really found one. The book definitely has some intense moments and "Wow!" factors but nothing really shocked me, or rattled me, or disturbed me as much as I wanted it to, I guess. I really would have expected a bigger scandal in the Phelan family having to do with Constantine and why Skeeter's mother fired her. I feel the book would have made a bigger impact if it took a tour down a dark alley and told some really dark secret of the South which we now know to be true (i.e. sexual relationships between hired help and their employers...sometimes even forced, verbal and physical abuse of the help by employers) With the absence of something equally as disturbing the book is kept semi-light hearted.

 You definitely feel for the maids in this book, you feel their love for the children they sit, and even the sensitivity they have to some of the people they work for. The friendships formed without boundaries in this book are also touching.

Overall, I would say this was a good read. It left me hoping for a little more intensity but never the less, I enjoyed it and definitely found value in the story.

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Good News!!

I wanted to share what I always knew to be true but recently decided to trust with all of my heart and soul. I wanted to tell you if you're seeing this and you are in a dark place there is hope because I have found it. I want to tell you that someone loves you, cares for you, believes in you and wants you to know it.

His name is Jesus Christ. He was born for YOU. He lived for YOU. He died on a cross for YOU. He rose again...for YOU. He loves you so much that He will not force himself into your life, He will come to you when you call...and He desperately wants you to call.

I want to testify to the Truth that is Jesus...and He is the Truth...(you can actually look it up in scholarly readings besides the Bible.) Those who know me well know I was not a religious person, I did not attend church, and I did not openly speak about Faith. I was depressed, unhappy, and fearful. When I found myself on my knees I decided it was time to pray...and I did.

If I found a product that I really liked and I bought it and it worked I would endorse it. I owe it to the Lord to endorse Him the same way. He is working miracles in my life...He is changing me, and the people around me in ways I never thought possible. All I can do is be thankful and now return the goodness and kindness God is showing by doing what He has asked of me to do...believe with all my hear, and proclaim with all my strength.

Amen.

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The next 25.

My apologies for such a long while of not writing. I would say it was a hiatus but every time I hear the word I think of some big brain taking a little while to unwind because all they've been doing is theorizing and coming up with ways to save the world. So, I would be undermining the integrity of the word if I used it. This is more like, I meat to write but haven't gotten a chance.

I woke up yesterday and realized at the end of this week I will be 25 years old. A quarter of a century! I have been blessed with opportunities not very many people can take advantage of, and I can't help but feel lucky to have done and seen the things I have.  Granted, my 25 year story hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows. Rarely anyone's ever is. I have made good decisions and at other times, very poor decisions. I have hurt people and people have hurt me. I've missed deadlines, and forgetten bills. I've had horrible days at work, and great days at work. I had very dark moments, and also ones filled with hope. I have hit rock bottom, and am clambering back up. There were days when I could not face the person in the mirror. There were days when I could not face those around me. There were days when I felt very unworthy, and days when I felt very ungrateful. I've been knocked down and lifted up only to be knocked down again. I've fought, I've lost, and I've won. I have listened and I have spoken. I have regretted, and forgiven. I have chased away many demons, and some still will not leave. Most importantly, I am happy to say...I've learned...and they say "Life is the geatest teacher."

In my next 25, I hope to worry less, relax more, continue working on making me better, and enjoy every single second. They go by quickly and wasting them on trivialities is an insult to the gift.

___

October is also Breast Cancer Awareness month so, wear your pink, donate what you can, hug the women in your life often, and do your part to heal the world.

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Wild Fires and Hurricanes

It seems like the past few weeks have been absolutely insane in terms of natural disasters and weather. This of course doesn't include the huge tornadoes ripping through our country. Labor Day is approaching which for many means a three day weekend, and for some it doesn't mean much. To me, it's a time to be thankful and hopeful. I am proud every time I hear about a new volunteer group forming to help those who have suffered a loss. For someone who wasn't even born in this country, I get warm fuzzies when I witness how caring, neighbourly and willing Americans are in terms of helping each other. All you ever hear on the news, especially these days, is the aforementioned atrocities and also the ugly political banter which has done well to separate the people of this country in an attempt at personal gain. It's refreshing to see that people are still willing to give a helping hand, drive cross country, and spend their time doing something for their neighbours, whether it's a two mile separation, or an 800 mile separation.

I encourage everyone to realize that these things are what make this country great. The ability to always rise above, together. I encourage everyone to really listen to what is happening around them and before making judgements take a moment to walk in your neighbours shoes and consider all of the facts before drawing a conclusion.I encourage everyone to lay their egos and pride aside and realize you are part of so much more than your own tiny little world. I encourage everyone to believe in the power of love, and humanity. I challenge everyone to do something nice for a complete stranger at least 10 times over the Labor Day holiday, and if someone does something nice to you, I encourage you to pay it forward. Inspire those around you to be better people, by making a conscious effort to be a better person yourself.

You will take nothing with you when you go....but you will leave so much behind. The choice is yours whether it will be positive or negative.

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A Message for Employers/ Recruiters

A recent conversation with a close friend inspired me to write this blog, because I have had it happen to me, and now several other people I know.

Creating a FALSE sense of urgency.


There are MILLIONS of people in the United States currently looking for jobs. Some are more fortunate than others and are currently bringing in income while others are desperate to get employed because they have no money coming in. The people who are desperately looking for work will be some of the most reliable candidates you have ever seen. They will be 15 minutes early to every appointment, they will come dressed better than anyone else, and they will emit an Ora of the highest professionalism you have seen thus far (there are of course exceptions to this general rule.)  These people will also take it very personally when you blow them off, even if it is unintentional.

When you make your initial phone call to your prospective candidates do not open with something like this: "When is the soonest you are available to meet as we are looking to expedite this process and fill the position as quickly as possible." The over achiever, desperate job seeker on the other end of the line will take you for your literal word. They will shuffle anything in their current schedule to make it to the soonest appointment possible just to get a foot in the door.

This person will show up to their interview and do everything they can to impress you. When you are finished interviewing this person, they will still remember what you previously told them about needing to expedite the hiring process. Therefore, if it takes you two weeks to contact them for a second interview, or even with a rejection letter, you will leave this person confused, miffed, but worst of all with a bad taste in their mouth about your Company. Making your business or Company look bad is something no body should encourage or partake in, not even HR personnel.

Even if you really are looking to expedite the hiring process but the Vice President came down with a case of the chicken pocks and hasn't been in for two weeks leaving you with no decision making power, completely omitting the fact that you are "trying to expedite the process" in your intial contact with the person you are looking to interview will eliminate the potential for you to look bad in the long run and come up with excuses later on.

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Family...

I have often wondered what actually defines families. When you really think about it who we are, and where we came from is all chance. Or is it?

The word "family" comes from he Latin word "Familia." It defines a group of people who are connected by a) consanguinity (same blood line) b) affinity and c) co-residence.

It's funny to me that two out of the three possible definitions are matters of choice, and one of them a matter of chance or fate (whichever way you prefer to look at it.) It's also funny to me that the one determined by chance or fate, is actually the least defining characteristic of  a real family. 

Consanguinity is not a choice, one has no say in which bloodline he/she belongs to. But this characteristic is so petty and so little. Affinity and co-residence are matters of choice. You can choose who you're close to...you can choose who you live with (for the most part) and more often than not the people you choose to be close to and life with, turn out to be a bigger definition of your family, than those who share your bloodline. How?

They say blood is thicker than water... Physically you could say yes. But Spiritually?

In light of recent circumstances my answer to that question would be "No."

Have you read the news lately? Have you heard the horrors? Fathers sexually molesting their daughters, mothers drowning their kids in order to be able to party more. I mean, parents and children are the closest form of the consanguineous bond...so how is blood thicker than water when things like a perverted urge, or a party lifestyle come before it?

People adopt children every day and the way those families behave, the way they interact and love each other leaves no way to tell they are not "technically" a family. They fulfill the co-residence, and the affinity portions of the familial definition yet consanguinity never seems to matter.

People abandon their children all the time because of the choices the children make: people they chose to love, degrees they chose not to pursue, and the opinions they hold yet I have met people who have been friends for years who are closer to each other than to their actual family.

I don't believe blood is thicker than water. I think a family is what you make it. I believe there are consanguineous families who really do love and cherish each other the way one would expect but I believe that's a choice; because for every blood family that treats each other well, there's another that doesn't.

Behaving as a family is a choice. It comes from deep love and respect for one another which outweighs the love of self and arrogance. It comes from a place of peace and a mutual understanding that even though we may not always agree with one another, we love one another enough to see past it without forcing each other to sacrifice a part of ourselves.

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Everything we can be

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

~Mother Theresa

I have spent the past 8 months of my life analyzing and re-analyzing every move I've made, every word I've said to determine which actions, or spoken thoughts have led me where I am at this moment. I am not too arrogant, or proud to analyze myself. I kept coming back blank though. I have tried my hardest to come up with explanations of why a deep disapproval  for me exists in certain people whom I will keep anonymous. I have even tried to ask those people where it came from. They cannot answer either. I came across the above poem the other day, and everything started to make more sense to me. It's just like Mother Theresa says (which I believe she did not write this originally) no matter how hard you try, or what you try it can always be perceived as something bad or wrong. As long as you know in your heart that you are doing everything you can to be a good person, friend, co-worker, wife, whatever, that is all you can do.

Giving anything less than our best is a waste of time and talent, however there are people who live in their own misery and plight that all they see is negativity and all they can do is try to drag everything else into their black hole of a mindset. Although we should never stop being all we can be, we should not allow negativity to surround us. This is easier said than done, especially for someone like me who has always found themselves eager to please. All that can be done to prevent people from dragging you down, should be done. Its an old saying; "Misery loves company." Its very true, too.

We all have our days, I sure do. I'm cranky, nothing is going my way, and the world seems to be very dark. These thoughts are destructive, but we are all human and we all have them. The key is to realize when these thoughts have begun to consume you, and work to stop them. Try to find positives and think of them, before you know it more and more positive thoughts come and you have worked yourself out of a terrible mood. I practice this often, sometimes it works better than other times, but it lifts me up if only for a little bit.

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Pereseverance

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown

There's your thought of the day. How many times have you uttered? "I Give Up!!" I know I have. I also know that those moments never got me anywhere. In fact, it was the very opposite moments which have helped me accomplish things I never thought I could. The moments where I said, "I will NOT give up" are the ones where I proved myself to myself.

Example.

On a very hot day about 2 years ago I was helping a friend move into her new duplex. I was on a roll getting her living area neat and tidy while she was very pregnant. There were a few things left in the living room one of them being a big, old school, tube in the back T.V. I'll venture to say it was a 32" because I'm not quite sure. I am 4'11 and this T.V had to be carried into my friend's master bedroom and hoisted on an armoir that was taller than me. I'd say it stood about 5 and a half feet tall requiring me to lift this T.V over my shoulders and put it up there. My friend said, "There's no way we can get that T.V we'll just leave it for Anthony to take care of." I thought, "This woman has known me long enough to know you can't tel me I can't do anything." So my natural response to my friend was, "Wanna bet?"

I went up to the T.V in the living room and I lifted it. I knew as soon as I picked it up, there really was NO way I was going to lift that thing past my knees, much less over my head on top of an armoir taller than me. Breaking a sweat and huffing and puffing I carried the T.V to her bedroom. I thought my legs were going to give out but I did it. I stared at the armoir for a second and thought about how I was going to get this done. Meanwhile, my friend was on the phone telling her husband jokingly about what I was going to attempt.

Anthony laughed on the phone and said, "There's no way she's going to get it, tell her to quit joking around before she throws her back out." Of course this added fuel to my fire. I already didn't like being called out once, but TWICE?? No Way! I had an idea. If I were just taller I could get the T.V on the armoir...
So I bolted back to the living room and began to drag two dining room chairs to the bedroom with me. I put the two chairs in front of the armoir with the seats facing each other. I lifted the T.V onto one chair and climbed onto the chair facing it.

After catching my breath from lifting the monster on top of the chair, I made sure I had enough balance and had my friend stand behind the chair I was standing on to make sure it was stabilized. I began to lift the T.V again, this time on top of the armoir. My arms were shaking from having lifted this dinosaur of a T.V the past two times, but I held tight. Sweaty and out of breath, I slowly managed to get the back of the T.V just over the top of the armoir, and I pushed the T.V back against the wall. I had done it! I felt like dying afterwards but I had done it!

How does this translate into a life lesson? Well it's simple, if you take "No!" for an answer, how will you know how far you can actually go? If you allow people, or the world to tell you what you are or are not capable of, instead of the other way around, what will you have accomplished?  If you turn away from closed doors with your head hung low you'll miss the open window. No matter how hard something is, no matter how many people insist that you will fail, if you want it, or believe in it you should try and keep trying. You are the only person that will have to live with the regret of not reaching your dreams, or at least trying to...no one else.

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Certify, Certify, Certify

I have been doing a lot of research over the different types of certifications available in my field of work. I have come to firmly believe you should certify in everything you're eligible for. It can do nothing but help you in the long run. I don't say this because it will fluff up your resume and make you look better, I say it because going through some type of certification program probably requires some learning, or at least refreshing of key concepts you either didn't know, or don't use and you forgot. Another benefit to certifying is that all professional fields are not constant. Laws change, times change, and as a professional one should always be trained in the most current aspects of their positions. A downside to having to certify is some certifications cost money. Another downside is some certifications require hours of testing. I would suggest doing all the research you can on what you need to be certified in. Figure out the next testing dates that will give you plenty of time to save the money needed for the certification, and also give you plenty of time to study, or attend the courses necessary.

 For example, my SPHR certification will cost me about $700 after all is said and done. I am quite frugal in some respects, and I will not invest $700 into taking a test that I may not pass. Therefore, I will take all the courses I can and read all there is to read about the subject. First, I will coordinate a time to attend the courses, and figure out which test date after my coursework is complete will work for me. Then I will attend all the courses, read outside of the course and get prepared for my test. This way, I'll know I'm ready.

I highly recommend the same for everyone who has thought about a certification they would like to have, or that might benefit them because there's never any harm in learning more, especially when it comes to your profession. It may seem like a struggle at first, but in the end I can almost guarantee you'll get something out of it. Job security at the very least!


After all....learning is the point, isn't it?

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That's not "Fair"!!!

We had an excellent awakening this morning. Someone had been in my car and taken some things while we were asleep. I will not say broke into, because nothing is broken. It's our fault we left the door unlocked. I say we because we were both in the car at the same time yesterday. Nothing major was stolen, and best of all they didn't break any valuable car parts which would cost a ton to repair.

I have to say that is one of my biggest annoyances. Why do people feel entitled to take things that don't belong to them? Most of everything I have ever gotten I've had to earn, and it drives me insane that other people get away with just taking the things they want.

Entitlement: belief that one is deserving of certain privileges.

People these days have a very strong and very false sense of entitlement. Get over it! The only thing in this world you deserve is what you work for directly. Anything you get besides that is a privilege, a bonus, something you don't necessarily get on a regular basis. No one on this Earth is obligated to give you anything you didn't work for. If you believe otherwise, you're an idiot.

I will not turn this into a political rant, although I could, because this is about so much more than politics, it is a mindset. A mindset that is so dangerous and so damaging and nobody seems to realize it. Take away the Government programs, and the Charities and all help altogether and get down to the bare bones of the statement: Everybody should have........... (insert whatever you want here)

As cold and as heartless as it sounds, no matter what you insert there, whether it's food, health care, education, clothes, an iPhone, whatever. The statement is false. It defies logic, it defies rationality. That very statement is the definition of entitlement, and the human race has begun to adopt it and has gone for the gusto with it in a never ending quest of making everything "fair." Life isn't fair. People still starve, children don't go to school, and younger people die every day. We don't live somewhere over the rainbow where everyone can have their fair share of everything and be happy and healthy in a little bubble. We live in reality.

 In reality, if you want something you have to EARN it. Some are taught that if you want something you have to take it, but behind that moron, I'm sure you'll find a whole slew of statements about entitlement. Something which probably sounds like, "Why do they get to drive that nice car and I don't? What makes them so special?" To that moron I say: chances are, someone worked very hard for that car so if you're envious, go pound some pavement and put in work, and maybe you'll work up to that nice car too. That rewarding feeling will be with you a whole lot longer than it would if you just take it.

And of course, a lesson for those of you who have that nice car, or something you don't want to loose. LOCK IT UP!!! Because no one ever said you were entitled to keep it. A lesson I'll do well to remember.

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Monsters Within

Last night was terrible. I have worked so hard for so long to try to control my anger and my outbursts and last night I just snapped. You know when you bicker all day and you reach the boiling point, in that moment you can't even get out the three most important words that you should in that situation? That was me. The words were in the back of my throat, and I knew I should have said them, but I didn't. I let all the emotion and all the hurt consume me and create an inferno so big, I couldn't even kill my own creation. I hate that person. I hate the person I become when I lose my composure. All I can say is, "Damn! I was so good for so long."

If I could give you any advice at all, if you cared to hear it I would say this. In the heat of the moment, I mean in the worst part where you're about to blow up and destroy everything in your path, stop. Stop and take that split second to think about the butterfly effect of your next few words. It's ok to not fire back with a quick, cutting come-back. It's ok to give silence a tiny chance. Just stop and say, "Please walk away." Those three words, not screaming or shouting, but a plea halfway with yourself, halfway with the other person to just give it a minute, and walk away. Because that heated second is the most dangerous one, where the meaning behind the entire argument in the first place is lost in an ocean of ugly phrases and snide remarks. This place hurts the worst. This place destroys people and relationships. This place amplifies the legitimate problems and turns it into something it never had to be. If we could just avoid this place by walking away, just for a little bit to give ourselves a chance to breathe and think clearly, I believe many arguments that turn into fights that turn into screaming matches and angry words can cease.

In any story there are always three sides, yours mine and the truth. Meaning, we will never be right. One person's vantage point breeds a different set of opinions than the other's. So we have to give both sides a chance to voice the problem, and be heard without the use of foul language and disrespectful words.

If we could just please walk away, just for a minute and give love the space and the chance it needs....

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HCG Diet- Day 2

I have finally purchased my HCG drops and I used the 4th and 5th of July as my load days. Yesterday the 6th was Day 1. I have to admit, it was horrible. I felt so incredibly awful! Mind you, none of it was physical. It was all psychological. I was so cranky and bitter because I couldn't have a snack!! This of course, makes me sound so much worse, but it's the truth. The fact that something was keeping me from enjoying any snack I wished almost drove me insane. I didn't feel hungry, my stomache wasn't hurting or growling. I just believed I was hungry because I didn't get what I wanted. I survived though, thanks to drama rehearsal and a prayer.

We are on day two today and I must say it's a whole lot better. I cooked my 100g of steak seasoned with pepper. On HCG you are allowed no oils or fats at all, so after I cut all the visible fat off the steak I seasonned it and seared it well in a pan. I also packed a tomato and a small cucumber to take to work. Just before I reheated my steak in the microwave at work, I drizzled a little lemon on both sides. It was delicious! I sprinkled a tiny bit of salt on my tomato and cucumber and it was really good. I don't feel hungry today. I've been drinking my water like I'm supposed to and not thinking about snacking. I'm in a much better mood!

I know I can do this for sure. I just need to keep trying to fight the cravings to snack, because in all reality, that's what got me into this mess in the first place, and it's not that I'm hungry it's just that something sounds good and I haven't ever told myself "No."

If there's anyone out there who has done or is on HCG or any similar diets, drop me a line and let me know how you got through the cravings!

Till next time!
(oo)

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A Potbelly Parent

I decided to lighten up the writing on this one!

So, in our around January I became a parent to a beautiful mini potbelly named Lilly (pictured left) My honey was not having it at first but soon....two hours after I brought her home soon....he was attached to her and she was to him. I must say, it has been a crazy ride, and I'm sure the best is yet to come!

This morning she was in one of her "moods." I believe it's because she needs to be spayed and her hormones are driving her crazy. She decided it was time to tear everything up in my house. It's 8:00 AM and I'm already running late, and now I'm chasing after Lilly half naked with a towel around my head trying to make her stop chewing on whatever she happens to be chewing on at the moment. If someone would have taped this, it would have won America's Funniest Videos. By the end of it, I was cranky and irritated. I finally got her outside in time to throw clothes on and run out the door.

I was told having a pot belly pig would be like having a toddler. Yup!! In fact I think it could be slightly worse....respect to all toddler mom's out there, because I was going nuts! Lilly is hyper like a toddler, moody like a toddler, whiny like a toddler when she doesn't get what she wants and yet, she can be the smartest little booger I've ever seen! She can open and close cabinets, doors, and drawers. She knows the meaning of the word "NO!" whether or not she chooses to listen to it is an entirely different subject though. She's really loving when she wants to be, and loves to cuddle on the couch with us. She picked up all the commands we have taught her almost instantly, but sometimes she just drives me INSANE!!!

Lilly is on a strict diet, and I definitely recommend that to all people considering a pet pig. She only eats Mazuri Mini-Pig Chow. For a treat she will get organic cookies (available at Petsmart which of course are intended for dogs, but they are made with mostly vegetables and don't have anything harmful in them. She will also get watermelon as a treat on hot days! I strictly follow the recommended portion for her size found on the back of the bag, and she gets plenty of time outside in the yard to run around and play. We also take her on walks when it's not too hot. Pigs unlike dogs, do not have a way of expelling heat from their bodies, so they try to cover up in mud. This is why most pigs wallow. Lilly has a kiddie pool outside and likes to wallow in it when she's hot.

Having her really is fun, but as I've mentioned before, it can be a little crazy. Pigs require more time and patience than dogs, because their biggest asset can get them into trouble. They are so intelligent and curious which leads them to tear things up or get into places where they shouldn't be. I suggest completely child proofing your house before letting in a pig. Also, get used to saying NO, and sternly at that because you'll start to sound like a broken record! Rule of thumb is, don't let a 5 lb pig do or get into anything you wouldn't allow a 100 lb pig to!

Happy Oinking! (oo)

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Coping: why and how

In our every day lives most of us have developed some sort of routine. Whether it's getting up and going to work, getting up and taking care of our kids or whatever else the case may be. Most of us also have problems that are associated with our developed routines. Some are big, some are small, some affect us in the long run and some are only just a pain at the moment. The reactions we take to solve these problems, or divert them may only seem like second nature to us, but in fact there is an intricate science to coping.

 Coping: the process of managing taxing circumstances, expending effort to solve personal and interpersonal problems, and seeking "to master, minimize, reduce or tolerate stress or conflict."

The ways in which people react to things are usually learned behaviors. Coping in some ways isn't any different. If a person has been taught to "turn the other cheek" on the playground when being bullied, this behavior can transcend into adult life and cause the same person to use very passive tendencies as a means to cope with every day situations, IE: an aggressive boss. In this case, the person who has been taught to not use confrontation as a coping mechanism, is most likely to keep quiet, and not respond to his or her boss's verbal abuse, or inappropriate outbursts.

But what does that do to the psyche?

In some cases coping by means of avoidance, or not addressing the issues at hand can lead to displaced behavior, that is, shifting the intended action from one thing onto another. We've all met those people, who say nothing at work to avoid confrontation but are grumpy and antisocial when they get home or when around friends. Avoiding certain conflicts as they happen can also send people into a state of denial, where they convince themselves what they witnessed or went through was not as bad as it seems, or not as bad as it could have been. This is more likely to keep a person in a problematic situation, and create a cycle which is not easily broken. Avoiding situations can also cause on to be repressed and unwilling to talk or think about uncomfortable situations.

How to deal:
Here is my best advice.

I do not ever encourage violence. I believe most problems especially in professional or adult atmospheres can be reached by simply agreeing to disagree. Understand that there is a basic social order and one element of that is that you deserve respect on the very basic principle that you are human too. Meaning, you have the right and duty to speak up when you feel you are being wronged. Reacting impulsively and solely on emotion is not recommended. Take a deep breathe, or two, or ten, and look whoever it is that is disrespecting you in the eye and in a calm, even tone say, "I understand we have different view points on this subject however, I would appreciate it if you would lower your voice, because I'm sure we can reach a mutual understanding without resorting to insults, and disrespect." Then opt to re-address the issue once the person you are speaking to has calmed down. Not only will it freeze whoever you are speaking to in their tracks, because people do not expect calm reactions when they themselves are acting poorly, but it will also establish your ground with people for future issues. It will demonstrate that you are willing to engage in discussions and take the heat when you need to, but you will not tolerate unnecessary aggression from anyone.

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Introduction

Welcome to my blog!!

I would like to say that here you will find a consistent set of information to come back to, but in reality I really am all over the place! So for now, I will say: here you will find a wide variety of ideas and subjects about many different things until I can actually decide what I want to "write about." I will however, promise to never settle for crap posts to just get followers or comments. I will make sure everything I write about is researched, and it is something I actually like/believe in. Otherwise, whats the point?

With that said, Thanks for tuning in and enjoy the show!

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