Sunday, April 22, 2018

An Open Letter - To Others Like Me

I am comfortable with confrontation. Too comfortable, probably. I am comfortable with criticism, competition, and skepticism. In fact, if you want to light my fire - tell me I'm incapable of something - and watch me explode. I have been proving myself my entire life. From sports, to academics, to work - nobody has given me anything. 

I was introduced to the grind when I was 13 years old - and I haven't stopped since. Life has handed me some blows and it happens the same way every time; just when I think I've finally recovered from the last round - here comes another. I am like Muhammad Ali in the ring against Frazier - just when the fog out of my eyes begins to clear - here comes another jab and my vision gets blurry. But even that sets my soul on fire. I live for the next round. I live for the moments people come up to me and say, "you're the strongest person I know." 

I'm so used to having to prove myself that I always anticipate a comeback over a W. I don't mind having to work the extra 20%. I don't mind having to compete for things that come very naturally to other people. I don't have a chip on my shoulder because I was born a female. I'm not pissed off at the glass ceiling - it just gives me something to break on the way up.

I am dependent on no one for anything - besides for the next breath Jesus decides to grant me. There aren't many like me but for those of you who are - especially the women - I see you. I salute your ambition, your resolve, and your hustle. I see your "take no shit" attitude and I love it. I also see you breaking. I see the pressure you put on yourself to keep up the armor and trust me, more than anyone, I understand why you do it. 

I just wanted to remind you - or maybe I just needed to remind myself - that beyond the Iron Man suit you've worn your whole life - there is a human, a soul - worthy of love. Worthy of the kind of love that doesn't get bored, that doesn't stop choosing you, that doesn't take you for granted. The kind of love that will force you open, tear down your walls - and make sure you never have to put them up again. I know, right? Part of the reason we're robotic - is because we'e tried to be open - and the people we never thought would break us - did just that. I get it. I could dedicate an entire blog site on the ways in which people have tried to break me. But at some point - you will have to let people in. No man is an island and as I type this - I understand what it's like to want to be one. Nothing sounds better in this second than turning inward and shutting everybody out. 

I cannot preach to you - but I can tell you that staying angry gives other people authority over your life. I can't promise everything will be sunshine and roses but I can tell you that the right people will be like angels in your time of need. Hold on to those people and then pray, exhale, and repeat. 

Love,
B.