Failure.

Failure. Last night was a complete failure. 


It’s the only word I can come up with that doesn’t involve four letters and a mouth washing. My three-going on thirty year old was not having bedtime. She wasn’t having it at 8:00, she wasn’t having it at 9:00 and she wasn’t having it at 9:15. By 9:15 this mama wasn’t having it anymore either. I could not live through one more, “I’m thirsty,” or “I want to watch TV.” After a battle, I’m talking— screaming, crying, stomping on the floor, door slamming, battle…I made her Dad deal with her.
Somehow, he managed to calm her down. Whilst he was calming her down, (thanks for that, Babe!) I thought to myself: How can I lead grown adults if I can’t even handle a three year old? How will a grown adult be inspired by my actions or my service if I can’t even convince my toddler that 8:00 p.m. is the right time to go to sleep? Worse, how will I talk to someone about composure and forgiveness when none of those words had been in my vocabulary for the last hour and a half? I had failed. Miserably. Both as a parent and as a person.
At around 10:30, after things settled down, I went back in to check on the little blue eyed monster. She peeked from the covers, still awake, and said, “I not crying anymore, Mama,” in the sweetest whisper. My heart broke into a million pieces. She wanted to me to know that she was calm now. All I could say was, “thank you, Mila.” I asked her if she wanted me to lie down beside her until she fell asleep, and she said, “Yea.” So I did. I told her I was sorry for yelling, and she just patted my cheek and told me she loved me.

I realized in that moment that maybe, just maybe, what equips me to lead is just the audacity to say I’m just as messed up as any of you. 


Maybe what equips me is the boldness to let my child see that I am human, and I make mistakes. Maybe what might inspire you is that I will always extend an apology to my children, because that’s the human thing to do.
I grew up in a household where nobody apologized…my parents didn’t apologize to each other—they may have, somewhere private, but we never heard apologies and they also most certainly never apologized to us. Although they’d like to think differently, we children were owed an apology a time or two—or twenty.  Don’t get me wrong, my parents were the best parents a girl could ask for, still yet, they weren’t always right. No parent is. Maybe my willingness to shout that will encourage you to do the same.

First, convince yourself you’re not perfect and your kids don’t need you to be perfect.

Children do not need an idol, they need a role model. There’s a difference.


Let me say that again, cos' I just took somebody to church. Your children DO NOT need an idol, they NEED a role model. They need to see your vulnerability, to see you fail, to see you apologize, and they HAVE to see you forgive yourself. Through those experiences, they will learn to recognize their own mistakes and to ask for forgiveness when they’ve hurt someone. Most importantly, they will learn that one failure doesn’t make them A failure. I don’t know about you, but there are adults in my life who haven’t learned that lesson.





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36 comments

  1. Fantastic blog Biljana! I know in my house that's a rule. If you ask my oldest the one thing he admires about me as a dad is that I am always willing to apologize to them when I'm wrong. Pride comes before a fall and I'm not willing to fall (fail) on my children. Ren

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    1. I am a work in progress or as I say "under construction"

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  2. This is so true. I'm not really at that stage yet but what an interesting read.

    XOXO // Check out my latest post if you like ;)
    SINCERELY OPHELIA | 5 reasons why you should get small bag for your next purchase

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    1. It's the hardest most awful and most beautiful thing at the same time! My only advice is: choose who you wish to take advice from, many people offer it but few know what they're actually talking about.

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  3. Prents don't come with manuals. Mistakes are going to happen, no one is perfect, not even the people we choose as leaders.

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  4. Aww, I love the way you described your moment with your daughter! My youngest is a soft-hearted thing and we often have moments that are overly emotional - we butt heads because we're so alike.

    In fact, I have that same issue with my teen - we're both rough and tough at times, and both of us stubborn as mules.

    But even the young ones are still human - and they need to see that it's okay to be human. I'm glad you guys were able to make up.

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    1. We usually make up pretty quickly probably due to her ever so short attention span but we too are very much alike. The teen years are going to be fun! *sarcasm*

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  5. I totally agree with your different points concerning the importance of being a good role model for your children! Being able to admit that you are wrong at times [especially as an adult] and apologize for it is something that many people ought to learn! Glad you two reconciled so rapidly

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    1. Thank you! I know adults today that don't know how to extend a serious apology.

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  6. We all learn on the job. Each test is an opportunity - you are so right. Hopefully, they survive us and leave the nest with love, security and some direction.

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  7. I've learned the hard way that I can't be a perfect Mom and if I unknowingly wronged my son, I have to apologize, to teach him to apologize to others when he makes a mistake! Beautiful post.

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    1. Pretty sure if you're making that biryani he thinks you're a great mom! If not, I'm moving in!!

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  8. I love the idea that kids need a role model, not an idol. I'd never thought of it that way before but I think you've hit the nail on the head.

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    1. I used to idolize Britney Spears. I was OBSESSED. All the posters, cds, calendars, etc etc. but let's be honest, not exactly the greatest role model to emulate behavior after....there's the difference. I think we as parents feel like we have to be the hero superhuman, but I'm finding that kids just need us to be genuine. Thank you for reading!

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  9. "
    CHILDREN DO NOT NEED AN IDOL, THEY NEED A ROLE MODEL. THERE’S A DIFFERENCE." Yes! I could not agree more! I want my child to learn from me, learn from my mistakes and do better. They should see me as human and someone they can trust and talk to when needed.

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    1. So true! I made my Britney reference in the last comment. I used to be obsessed with her but, as a role model, not so great of a choice at the time.....
      I loved your blog post too by the way!

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  10. This is true. I always try to be a role model to my kids.

    Children can be tough though, that's for sure.

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    1. I'm with ya! But we will get through it!

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  11. Interesting read.Parenting is not easy always.And it needs a lot of patience too...

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    1. So true. My greatest lesson has been patience.

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  12. We have the same rule.
    Apologizing when needed.

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  13. i completely agree with your point that is they need to see yuo vulnerable, as i feel we all are humans not perfect. we should be seen as we are and be true to ourself

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  14. This is so fantastic. I feel like a lot of the media is trying to make idols for kids rather than role models. Its always good to be that person in home.

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  15. I love the way you described your moment with your daughter! Great post!
    http://www.stylequest.se/

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  16. I can completely understand where you are coming from when you grew up in an a household where no-one apologized anything. I am a firm believer that your environment has a huge impact and how you become but dose not dictate who you will be. The best that you can do is learn from your experiences and make them the best for your family.

    xo,
    Molly
    www.allaboutgoodvives.com

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  17. Very honest post...it's always good to live and exemplary life especially if there are kids learning from you...be compassionate and mindful

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  18. Ha! When in doubt, let dad handle it. Loved reading your story, it was so cute!

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  19. I don't envy not being a parent it is definitely not easy from what I can send I commend anyone that has children. My mom and dad both raised me and taught me to be someone I can be proud of.

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  20. Interesting post to read! I was captivated by the "children DO NOT need an idol, they NEED a role model." Just perfect!

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  21. This is beautifully said, to be honest. It's nice to be able to show our kids that we also make mistakes and that it's okay because we can rise from it and do better. We can't mask ourselves and hide under perfection, we're only human.

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  22. I believe no one is perfect. We'll all mess up in one way or another but it's not about how you fall. It's about how you get back up

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  23. Love the line about kids needing a role model - it's sometimes hard but important to keep this in view.

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  24. Children can be so difficult at times.

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  25. I completely agree with you that children need a role model not an idol. They learn by how you react to things and how you do things. Great post!

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