tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-48290067761947821392024-02-06T21:54:12.218-08:00iUnapologeticRamblings of a woman, a mother, an Apologetic who is passionate and fierce in helping women find their truth and live a full life. Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-91336093039168715492018-08-28T07:35:00.000-07:002018-08-28T07:35:02.737-07:00Painful Yesterdays, Better Tomorrows<h2>
Empty Vessels Need Filling</h2>
<h3>
Yesterday was that day</h3>
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I'll blame it on being female first off, for scientific reasons. You can infer what you will. Couple that with feeling like this week was Groundhog Day work wise, a child who has suddenly taken up a habit of hitting teachers at daycare, certain situations drudging up old wounds, and just all around feeling like I can't win for losing - in every arena of my life. It was the perfect storm for an emotionally charged outburst.</div>
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I promised myself my daughter would never see me break down. So far, I have not broken that code. My daughter has seen me upset and frustrated, but I have yet to lose it in front of her. So, I managed bedtime, and even made an attempt to just go to sleep myself which worked until about 1:00 a.m. I woke from a dead sleep, entirely in my feelings. Let's just say I cried so hard I busted some capillaries but couldn't cover them up with makeup because my eyes were too puffy to put anything on them.</div>
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Always juggling</h3>
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For whatever reason at 1:00 a.m., the entire world was on my shoulders. Actually, the realization that I felt like the whole world was on my shoulders was, I guess, what happened at 1:00 a.m. I felt beyond defeated. I don't do well at asking for much of anything. I am used to doing it all by myself. I however will continue to do for other people without turning the tap off. What ends up here, is a vessel that is bone dry, and it cannot possibly pour out any more.</div>
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The issue with people like me is that in our weak moments, when we have reached the bone dry state, we don't just ask for what we need. Instead, we begin rehashing in our minds all of the experiences that have led us to this point of desperation and how much we feel like we have poured out, to not get any return on our investment. This causes anxiety and depression in that moment. It makes us question who we are and why we aren't good enough for someone to want to pour into us as much as we pour into them. </div>
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Between working full time +, writing, co-parenting, attempting to keep house, keeping a side hustle afloat, attempting to blog, and attempting to be an encouraging voice for women like me - I get spent y'all. I get overwhelmed and I get weak. I feel like I'm back in a boxing ring except I feel like I'm in the ring for 15 minutes instead of three, and the rest time is only about 30 seconds instead of a minute. Insert trying to date or build a relationship into this mix and you have a perfect storm.<br />
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Say what you need to say</h3>
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I've said this before, I'm great at giving advice - taking it is a different ball game. One piece of advice that I have taken to heart and earnestly tried to implement in my life - is saying what I feel I have to say, regardless of the outcome. I am learning to be brave enough to break my own heart instead of staying silent to avoid a fall out. I've learned you cannot keep things on your soul to avoid conflict because the inner turmoil you create for yourself is far more damaging. You also have to learn when to say "enough" and I struggle here. I'm an encourager and helper by nature and I will continue to try to be those things even when I'm a shell of a person myself. This isn't fair to the people asking for your help, because you can't give them your best. Saying you need a break is braver than continuing on empty and risking hurting those around you.</div>
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Don't Settle</h3>
Being self aware is so important. In the midst of my storm, I understand that I am the cause of 80% of the issues I had this week. I know it started with hormones and ended with working myself up. One tiny thing blew up into a big thing and it spiraled from there. However, if there are people in your life who are continuously manifesting situations where you are second guessing your worth or feeling like you aren't enough - it is time to evaluate your relationships. If there are people in your life to whom you have shown loyalty time and time again - and they are no where to be found when you need them - it is time for your loyalty to reach the end of it's "free trial period". You cannot allow yourself to settle for people who are absolutely callous about letting you down. Those people lack character and a moral compass and they do not care about you. If they are costing you your peace - they are too expensive. You must be brave enough to break your own heart and cut out people who will leach your happiness and leave you empty without thinking twice. You are too precious.<br />
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xoxo,<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQbZuQb031UQuV57lY1BmpTHOFcVtfwpwTo81NYJVuNlfxP67_8__caQ21HAsm2FY2TF3HhUIj1uJKpJW0lZOeH_-GJstUdidFNi2n9j28tM3a5iDtzDYY5IexoCfUux9yChbdpQB0p-E/s1600/F9AEDAFBECD9329EA399C3F5CD6C6540.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQbZuQb031UQuV57lY1BmpTHOFcVtfwpwTo81NYJVuNlfxP67_8__caQ21HAsm2FY2TF3HhUIj1uJKpJW0lZOeH_-GJstUdidFNi2n9j28tM3a5iDtzDYY5IexoCfUux9yChbdpQB0p-E/s400/F9AEDAFBECD9329EA399C3F5CD6C6540.png" /></a>Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-67383149400765711152018-06-21T13:54:00.001-07:002018-06-21T13:54:38.813-07:00I Know.<div style="color: #454545; font-family: ".SF UI Text"; font-size: 15px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;">
<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">I’m watching you self-medicate to cope and it breaks me. It breaks my heart to see you filling voids with empty, harmful things. I know the pain beneath the cover up. I know the sorrow behind the smirk. I recognize it because it’s lived inside me too. I know that even in a crowded room you can feel alone.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">I know that in the middle of going through the motions of learning how to be okay, you’re also reminded that somebody destroyed you. I know the desperate need to not feel. I know the nights spent alone, on your face, wondering why. I know what that dark hole in the middle of your chest feels like. I’m very familiar with not knowing how you’ll go on, and picking up anything and everything to keep your mind off the fact that you’re lost. I understand your reality. I see you. I have felt the sting of an “I’ll never leave you” on my own skin. I know what it’s like to pour out loyalty to not get it back.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">I also want you to know that darkness is broken by the smallest sliver of light. That as long as there’s a crack in the door, you’re not alone. You will never be left nor forsaken. I know you feel lost - but you are never far from where you need to be. I want you to know you’re loved in ways I can’t even explain for reasons I’m not aware of myself. Know that on the other side of the choice you make to stop self-destructing, is beauty and real love beyond anything you could imagine in this moment. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">I see you, and I know...all of the goodness in you and all of the strength in you. You’re strong enough to rise, you’re strong enough to overcome.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">Xoxo,</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: ".SFUIText"; font-size: 15pt;">B.</span></div>
Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-4917752862853730382018-06-12T08:07:00.001-07:002018-06-12T23:35:51.640-07:00Grace Under Pressure<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
We’ve put such pressure on ourselves and others to always be
the best and to always exceed expectations, that when someone, including ourselves,
doesn’t meet or exceed our expectations, we get angry and write them off as
unworthy. I’ll be the first to tell you I’m guilty.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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I put rules and expectations on people that I never tell
them about and then get mad when they can’t meet them. I expect a certain
standard of behavior from my friends, relatives, romantic relationships and if
I don’t see that behavior, I feel offended. I don’t often stop to think whether
I am being the best version of me for others – and if you’re honest – you probably
do it too. Here’s some examples…<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Example 1:</b> You
get irritated when someone doesn’t text you back, but if you look through your
phone you’ll find at least one person you didn’t bother responding to. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Example 2:</b> You
don’t get an invite to something, but the last three times you were invited
somewhere you chose to do other things or had some excuse as to why you
couldn’t be there.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Example 3:</b> You’re
getting sick of your boyfriend’s lack of spontaneity and random displays of
affection, but you can’t honestly name the last time you did something fun,
sexy, or spontaneous just for him.<o:p></o:p></div>
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If we get down to it, we’re all guilty of some or all the
examples I named – or different versions of them. The truth is, we can’t be the
best version of ourselves every single day. If that were possible, we wouldn’t be
human, and we wouldn’t require grace. I fail 100 times a day or more. I fail at
being the best friend, the best Mom, and I absolutely fail at being the best girlfriend/lover/person.
I’m not okay some days.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I know social media is bombarding you with quotes and memes
about how you should be a Queen, be a boss, and excel at everything you do – and
most of the time you should. But I want to tell you that even on your worst day
– when your crown has fallen, when you can’t even boss yourself out of bed, and
when you feel like you’ve failed everyone – <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you’re still you, and you’re worth everything.
If you weren’t Super Mom today, it’s okay. If you weren’t #1 Dad today, it’s
okay. If you weren’t the best employee, friend, sister, or brother today – it’s
okay. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m not the best at apologizing or asking for forgiveness,
my pride gets the absolute best of me sometimes and the person I suck at
apologizing to the most, is me. If you talk to anyone who knows me they’ll tell
you it’s impossible for me to hold a grudge and that’s true, but when it comes
to forgiving myself, I’m the worst. There are things in my life over a decade
old that I recently forgave myself for. I had to figure out and understand that
– I wasn’t okay when I made certain decisions in my life and that doesn’t make
me unworthy – it makes me human and it isn’t possible for me to get it all
right all the time. </div>
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One day, my pride took a kick to the teeth…because when
people are interested in hearing my story, I get to tell them about Jesus, grace,
and how it changed my life. How can I tell people they were forgiven by a God
who loves them through Christ, when I couldn’t forgive myself for my own damage?
If Jesus’s blood was enough sacrifice for the Creator of Heaven and Earth to wipe
my slate clean– who the hell did I think I was? He is greater than me and He
already forgave. Once it clicked, there was no looking back.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In the same way I learned to forgive and liberate myself, I
learned to forgive others and liberate myself…from them. I learned to accept
apologies I’ll never receive. I know those people weren’t okay when they chose
to make decisions which hurt me. It doesn’t make it right, but it sets me free.
It frees my mind from thinking about it for one more second. It frees my soul
from the burden of carrying hurt, and it frees my heart to let people in and
love. </div>
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The alternative is dangerous, and I’ve been there too. It’s dark and it’s
lonely and it leads to decisions you sometimes can’t take back. This post comes
on the back of some awful news within the last week about people who were under
so much pressure to be successful, who seemed okay but weren’t and it led to
some awful results.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Extend grace wherever you go- <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>first to yourself and then to everyone else.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-72427106663681056062018-04-22T18:26:00.000-07:002018-04-22T18:26:25.387-07:00An Open Letter - To Others Like Me<div>
I am comfortable with confrontation. Too comfortable, probably. I am comfortable with criticism, competition, and skepticism. In fact, if you want to light my fire - tell me I'm incapable of something - and watch me explode. I have been proving myself my entire life. From sports, to academics, to work - nobody has given me anything. </div>
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I was introduced to the grind when I was 13 years old - and I haven't stopped since. Life has handed me some blows and it happens the same way every time; just when I think I've finally recovered from the last round - here comes another. I am like Muhammad Ali in the ring against Frazier - just when the fog out of my eyes begins to clear - here comes another jab and my vision gets blurry. But even that sets my soul on fire. I live for the next round. I live for the moments people come up to me and say, "you're the strongest person I know." </div>
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I'm so used to having to prove myself that I always anticipate a comeback over a W. I don't mind having to work the extra 20%. I don't mind having to compete for things that come very naturally to other people. I don't have a chip on my shoulder because I was born a female. I'm not pissed off at the glass ceiling - it just gives me something to break on the way up.</div>
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I am dependent on no one for anything - besides for the next breath Jesus decides to grant me. There aren't many like me but for those of you who are - especially the women - I see you. I salute your ambition, your resolve, and your hustle. I see your "take no shit" attitude and I love it. I also see you breaking. I see the pressure you put on yourself to keep up the armor and trust me, more than anyone, I understand why you do it. </div>
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I just wanted to remind you - or maybe I just needed to remind myself - that beyond the Iron Man suit you've worn your whole life - there is a human, a soul - worthy of love. Worthy of the kind of love that doesn't get bored, that doesn't stop choosing you, that doesn't take you for granted. The kind of love that will force you open, tear down your walls - and make sure you never have to put them up again. I know, right? Part of the reason we're robotic - is because we'e tried to be open - and the people we never thought would break us - did just that. I get it. I could dedicate an entire blog site on the ways in which people have tried to break me. But at some point - you will have to let people in. No man is an island and as I type this - I understand what it's like to want to be one. Nothing sounds better in this second than turning inward and shutting everybody out. </div>
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I cannot preach to you - but I can tell you that staying angry gives other people authority over your life. I can't promise everything will be sunshine and roses but I can tell you that the right people will be like angels in your time of need. Hold on to those people and then pray, exhale, and repeat. </div>
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Love,</div>
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B.</div>
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Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-76512212723404008102018-01-22T16:02:00.001-08:002018-01-22T16:02:55.250-08:00Endings and Beginnings and Dealing with the Fuzzy Middle<h2>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">Fin.</span></h2>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">Endings are never easy...unless you're a robot and you don't actually grasp what an "end" is. Unfortunately, in order to connect with people we have to give them pieces of ourselves in one way or another. In turn, they give us pieces of them. No matter how terrible a situation is or how much "better for us" an ending may be...it's still hard. Depending on the length of the relationship, some gave a little and some gave more, and some put everything they had into it. So, what do you do when it ends? How do you pick yourself up and move forward? How do you fill the void? I don't think I can quantify how many articles I've read, how many books I've listened to in the car, and how much time I've spent researching to tell you this: you don't...at least not right away.</span><br />
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<h3>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">Quick Fixes: The Demise of A Process</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">We have been conditioned to believe in quick fixes. Need to a lose a few pounds? No problem! Feeling a little bloated? We got you! Need to quickly buy something you can't afford? Right away! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">Fast food, fast weight loss, fast financing, fast cars...and the list goes on. We are instant gratification craving, Gotta-Have-It-Now boot stomping society. In fact, when was the last time you walked into a bank and sat down until it was your turn to speak to a live human about your hard earned money? Don't worry, I'll wait...</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">Naturally, when we are accustomed to information at our finger tips, oil changes in 20 minutes or less, and a meal that you can spend $6 on and less than four minutes flat, we want our breakups to stop hurting like, yesterday, and when they don't we internalize, then get pissed off, and then get bitter. We have forgotten about the grind. The grind it took to forge the relationship, the grind it took to maintain it, and the grind it's going to take to move past it. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">I just had my wisdom teeth cut out. More dramatically and in true bad ass fashion, my Dad just went through open heart surgery. Healing - in any way shape or form, is a process. Your soul needs to heal. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">The List: Why it Matters</span></h3>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">Chances are if you're still reading this, you need some substance. There's also a good chance you had a great deal invested in your last relationship. For me, it was seven years. In seven years, you do a lot. Activities with this person take up the majority of your free time. So, I made a list. I made a list of everything that I'd like to do if I never had to ask another person if they'd enjoy it too. Your list can be as practical or as adventurous as you want it to be. I'm a busy body, adventurer, wander-luster so some things on my list are out there...but I'll share some of it: go to more concerts, volunteer more, finally write the book, blog more, go to Turkey, visit New Zealand, start a podcast. As you can tell, I'm all over the place..but it doesn't matter. The list is for you. As you think about your list, keep this thought in the back of your mind: you don't have to ask anyone else for their opinion. Your SO chose to leave your life, and this isn't your best friend's breakup...so you're doing it for you and you alone!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;"> Maybe you've always wanted to try pink hair, but your SO hated the idea so you didn't....ON. THE. LIST! Maybe you've always wanted to try raw oysters but your knight-turned-joker was allergic to shellfish....WRITE. IT. DOWN! Take up photography, sit in on an art class, whatever you think would make your soul sing, write it down. The act of just attempting to take your life back is both refreshing and empowering, so go ahead with your amazing self and get to daydreaming and making plans!</span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">I couldn't write a break up post without seriously talking to you about crying. Do it. Loudly and often. It ties back into what I was saying about processes. Crying is a body's natural response to emotion whether happy or sad. Don't deny your body that. I can't count how many nights I spent on the floor sobbing. It's ok to have those nights. That's healthy. What's not healthy is refusing to deal. It's letting your circle influence your plans and taking over your healing time for the next undetermined amount of days/weeks, whatever. Everybody means well. They want to console you and they don't want you to be alone. Girlfriend, you'll have to be alone eventually. You will have to face it head on and avoiding dealing with emotions by consuming copious amounts of alcohol, drugs, sex, or a combination of all three is not only dangerous, it just doesn't work. </span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">So spend some time alone, in the quiet and if you feel like it, cry. Just don't stay there. Make a deal with yourself to have those moments but then get up. Even when your body physically doesn't want to. Get up, wash up, get made up, and move. I can't promise it will get easy quickly, but I can promise your alone time will prepare you for your blessing in the future.</span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; font-variant: normal; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 18.73px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">Believing Even When it Sucks</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">I'll leave you with this. As the song says...which I ironically walked down the aisle to (awkward)... Don't Stop Believing! You may not understand what happened, why it ended, or how you will survive it but I need you to believe that you will. If there were never any endings, there wouldn't be any new beginnings. It's hard for me to type this because there's so much left that I need to get over but I have to believe. I believe in love. I believe that somewhere there's an adventurer, wander-luster, non-f*-boy out there for me and that when God is ready and my soul is ready, we'll find each other. Or, if there isn't, I'll know my life was meant for a different purpose. You have got to believe in your purpose and you've got to commit to finding out what that is. You weren't put on this Earth to JUST be someone's wife, or girlfriend, or arm candy. You were put on this Earth to make bold moves and change the course of history. You have to believe it, and you have to seek it.</span></span></h2>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; display: inline !important; float: none; font-family: Times New Roman; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #444444;">You're a woman. Capable of fighting in wars and then turning around and kissing boo-boos. You are more beautiful and powerful than you feel right now and I promise, if you'll believe it, and spend the necessary time figuring yourself out...everything else will fall into place.</span></span></h2>
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Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-72067091001855704602018-01-13T13:42:00.000-08:002018-01-13T13:42:32.732-08:00Chase Your Sunset: New Year, New Doubts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I never know how to properly start introductions after not writing for so long. Sorry? It's been a while? You already know that. I also always have a tendency to promise I'll do this more often and life has a tendency to get in the way. I want to inspire you but the truth is, I don't feel inspiring every day - or every week - or sometimes for months. I wish my life was epic enough to have something constructive to write about on a daily basis but alas, I put my pants on one leg at a time too.</div>
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2017 took its toll on me in many ways which I won't get into - but there were some real struggles. The more I've talked to people over the last few months, I've realized 2017 was that kind of year for a lot of us. So, if you're reading this and you're glad you made it to this side of that awful year - Cheers! and Congratulations!</div>
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At the front end of 2018, I am a proud owner of a now four-year-old. I'm not sure where the time went but here we are! It is precisely the topic which led me to write today. I continue to be amazed by my kid. It's corny when people say that - because, well, it's your kid, you're supposed to be amazed. </div>
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I mean just think about it. If toddlers/pre-schoolers were any less cute or stopped amazing us and making us laugh with what they learn every day - we'd probably eat our young like in nature. Before you "Perfect Moms" out there go getting all sanctimonious on me, if you haven't had to clean up piles of toddler poop when your daughter refused to stay on the pot long enough to get it all out- because running from Mommy was infinitely more hilarious - I don't want to hear about it. I digress...</div>
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So, Mila's right of passage for turning four was to hit up the ever epic Chuck E. Cheese. Her and her friends played like maniacs and towards almost the end of the night they all decided to go into the climbing gym- play area thing. I don't know the technical name for it: but you basically climb up three rungs of platforms to get to the top set of tunnels which they crawl through and chase each other in and eventually get to the slide. Mila's besties, AJ and Kinzley, were thrilled to go along on this climbing expedition but, Kinzley couldn't quite make it up the rung levels to get to the top of the play gym. Wasting no time whatsoever, AJ and Mila devised a plan to help her. </div>
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I stood there watching them, admittedly consumed with my own thoughts, some of which were negative, spiteful, worrisome and stress-filled, while others were logistics - what bills needed to be paid, what the rest of the weekend was going to look like, how much laundry I had to finish, and reminding myself to buy dog food. I was watching but I wasn't engaged until something caught my eye. My kid.</div>
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My 24 weeker, barely viable, 1 lb 7 oz, odds stacked against her, couldn't breathe on her own for three months, 112 days in the hospital kid was quite literally picking her friend up and lifting her onto each rung so all three of them could get to the top. What?? Naturally, I proceeded to do what any good mother would in this situation. I found the closest chair and started crying...like an idiot. Through my tears I watched the same thing happen over and over. Each time, Mila wasn't phased. She kept lifting Kinzley, who is a bit bigger in stature and certainly weighs more, and never grew tired. </div>
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As I kept watching, I was instantly convicted. I felt a physical sting in my chest. It just hit me. If you had asked me five minutes before this took place whether it was possible, I would have told you, "No." How ignorant am I? To instinctively pick doubt over possibility and to immediately write a situation off as impossible when I had no statistical input that it couldn't work. I doubted my own child! I was transported back to every diagnosis she was given, to every milestone I was told she'd never meet and I felt so foolish.</div>
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Life has a way of breaking us. We get dealt a hand that seems impossible to overcome and we buckle. We allow ourselves to be convinced of our worth by people who are miserable within themselves. We take the easy way out by losing hope and not trying when the rubber meets the road. If you want me to inspire you, you're going to have to become inspire-able. Take my mistake and make a commitment to not repeat it. Never doubt yourself or anyone else and certainly do not allow a single person to tell you what you're capable of. Among the Biljanas, be a Mila. Continue to smash through obstacles and chase new records to break. Continue giving a figurative middle finger to whatever someone has said about you and chase your sunset. </div>
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The most beautiful part about this is, Mila doesn't know what her outcome could have been. She doesn't know what was said about her. She instinctively fought and as her personality continues to develop, I catch glimpses of that rebellious, "try me" sparkle in her eye and I'm so thankful for it. Her battles in life are only beginning, but one thing is for sure, I'll never doubt her again. </div>
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<br />Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-41755711864070491382017-07-08T09:21:00.000-07:002017-07-08T09:28:46.310-07:00Lucky Number Seven - How this Immigrant Girl Found Her Way and Discovered What Being An American Means<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's been a while Blog World! Since I wrote my last post I have: celebrated Easter, got baptized *whoop!*, found out what the word "three-nager" </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">really</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"> means, ate a lot on the Fourth of July, welcomed my Grandparents from Serbia, oh, and switched jobs! Also, our lovely Cherokee Trailhawk was totaled-- but that's a story for another day! Nobody was hurt which is a blessing from God, and that's really all that matters.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I started my new job Wednesday, and it has been scary and awesome at the same time. I realized yesterday was 7/7/17 and made a joke to a coworker about why we weren't in Vegas but I was so busy with the week and diving into my new role that it didn't dawn on me that on 7/7/98 we set foot on American soil. 19 years ago yesterday, my preteen self touched down in Houston, TX followed by Tulsa, OK. I'm in shock (still) as I write this...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Coming to America - What I Wish I Knew</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When my parents announced to me that we were going to "go" to America, I was thrilled. </span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We lived in the United Arab Emirates at the time, and what I knew of America involved Disney World, Universal Studios, Beverly Hills, and MOST importantly the Backstreet Boys! Movie stars were from America and there was sand, beaches, and water sports - just like I was used to. It also never crossed my little mind that we were never coming back. Ever. You can imagine my shock when the plane touched down in Tulsa and we began the subsequent 20 minute drive to Owasso, OK (which at the time was mostly grass, a Warehouse Market, and a Walmart - no, not the Super Center. There was neither sand, nor beach, nor movie stars. My heart dropped into my stomach as I wondered what the hell my parents were thinking. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">How desperately I had wished my parents would have given me the lay of the land before hauling us here, how desperately I had wished I knew what we were going to, and how badly I wanted there to be SOMETHING good about this place. My Father had been to Owasso before we moved and I wished he would have brought back pictures of what it looked like, then maybe I would have a say in going or staying. Except as we all know, I never had a choice.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Starting School in America - Middle School </span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I remember the rest of the summer dragging on because we only had one car, a banana yellow 80-something Cadillac - we called it "Granny." </span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">My Father bought it with cash because naturally - we had no credit. My Dad drove that car to work so during the day my mother, sister, and me were left cooped up in a house because it was way too hot to do anything - and my Mom was too scared to leave the house; this was America after all. The beginning of August finally hit and it was enrollment time. All you American kids know what that means so I won't go into detail. We drove up in front of the Owasso Seventh Grade Center and as I looked at the building I wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole. THIS was the school? "Mom, are you SURE we're in the right place?" </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">A little context... In the U.A.E, I went to a huge school - an international institution for higher learning. There's an admissions process, the curriculum is rigorous, and the campus spans over 370,000 feet. So, when I looked at the grey/tan building with no windows and my parents told me it was a school - I wanted to faint. We walked into the building and I could instantly feel eyes on me. Looking back on it as an adult its understandable. It was a small town and most of the kids knew each other so when someone new walked in, they stuck out like a sore thumb. As a 7th grader though, I was mortified. The children were different. They looked different, they spoke differently, their mannerisms were different. Everything from the way they wore their hair, to the brand names on their clothes was different. It really was a whole new world for me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I begged my parents to send me back and one night my Father had enough. I will never forget the sentence or the sternness in his voice when I said, "I want to go home. Please let me go home." "THIS is home now. We are never going back, and I don't want to hear one more word about it." He emphatically answered me, and that was the end of it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The first day - hell the first year - was really rough on me. Middle-schoolers are not nice. I won't go into details about being bullied my first year, because that isn't the point of my post, but I want to emphasize that Seventh and Eight grade were't easy for anyone - but especially not for an immigrant child who grew up in a completely different culture.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Growing up "American" - The Flag and the Feelings</span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Years passed and I got more acclimated to my new surroundings. </span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I made friends and I would purposely seek out the new kids because - they had no bias towards me and because I knew what it felt like to be the odd one out. I joined some teams and clubs and I had a crush. Typical teenage stuff. Our third Independence Day holiday was the most special one to me because a few pieces of the puzzle started coming together. I thought about my experiences in Owasso thus far. I observed adults and teens because I've always loved people watching and I observed a sense of freedom. Where I was from you couldn't just</span><i style="font-family: inherit;"> say anything. </i><span style="font-family: inherit;">I spent my childhood as an immigrant. I was an immigrant in the U.A.E and I was an immigrant in the U.S but I didn't have to be too mature to notice the difference. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">In the U.A.E there were different "types" of immigrants and it was largely dependent on where people came from and what type of work they did. Some immigrants were treated very well, others were treated very poorly - and even as a kid you knew "who's who". As children on the playground, we knew to ask each other, "where does your Dad/Mom work?" because that held weight in the U.A.E, that mattered. In the States, I was in class with white kids, black kids, Hispanic kids, and Asian kids and nobody cared where anyone's parents worked. Kids were more concerned about what brand t-shirt you had on, but parental occupation had little to do with anything. </span></div>
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<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">People were free to say what they wanted, where they wanted, whenever they wanted. They bashed the President, the Government, and cursed everything under the sun and nobody flinched. In the U.A.E, we (the adults mostly) had to be careful with what was said and around whom. You wouldn't dare bash the Sheikh, and you wouldn't speak out about the Emirates, and you certainly wouldn't say anything about the Government or the reining religion. Now, we didn't live in fear for our lives and we were not persecuted - but people knew where they fit in on the food chain, and by in large their mouths were kept shut. Disagreements with bosses in the U.A.E led to people getting kicked out of the country, so people minded their Ps and Qs.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I began to relax and buy in to that freedom and that Fourth of July made me emotional. I slowly started to realize why my parents made the choice they made. Why my Father risked and sacrificed everything. It wasn't for the tangibles - because we had abundance in the U.A.E but it was for the intangibles, which are absolutely worth sacrificing for. A certain set of known freedoms which did not exist where we were. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<h2>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Aftermath and the Cost of Freedom</span></h2>
<h3>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">That "American" feeling was infectious and my fourth summer in the States was a turning point. </span></h3>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">10th grade started, I was a Sophomore in high school and the looming fears of being that old were before me. Pre-ACTs, pre- SATs, and people were beginning to slowly think about what they wanted to do for the rest of their lives. The schools were separated according to grade due to the rapid growth of our city. The 9th and 10th graders were in the "Mid-High School" and 11th and 12th graders went to the "High School" which was just across the street. I was in advanced French and had to cross the Street a few times a week because those classes were in the High School. I was just getting in the swing of things in early September and I didn't know this was the year everything I was beginning to feel about this country would be solidified. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I walked into French class on September 11th 2001 and sat in my desk. Our teacher had the T.V. on which was very unusual because she was somewhat of a battleaxe. As the bell rang, I looked up at the T.V to see an airplane crash into a very tall building. I would learn that was the second plane in the attacks of 911 to hit the World Trade Center. The entire class was in shock and our teacher was silent. We were all frozen as live footage streamed with people on the T.V. telling us that this was a terrorist attack on out country. I was so confused. This is AMERICA. What is going on? My mother was at home watching, as many other parents were, and nobody knew what would happen next. Should our parents come for us? Were we at war? What the hell?</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I don't even remember the rest of the day - its a blur, but I do remember my Mom being terrified. I remember her telling my Father that she thought this couldn't happen in a country this strong. I vividly remember President G.W. Bush on screen. His emotion, his vigor, and him making a promise that we were going to get whoever it was that was behind this attack on Our Nation. I also remember vehemently agreeing and then being confused as to why I was agreeing. We? Our? Biljana, you're not from here. But in that moment, I felt like I was. Our house was here, my parents were here, and THIS was home. I began to realize why people loved America. In four years we had made a new life. My father started a business and it was working, I was making friends, my mother was volunteering, and we were accepted. I realized then that this felt more like home than I gave it credit for.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I realize now when I travel abroad what makes America so special. There are obvious exceptions to this rule, as the media so vehemently likes to point out, but by in large you are FREE here. You can speak out against your leaders, your President, your country. You can burn the flag, shit on the flag, and protest in the streets. You can have Pride parades and any other kind of parade. You can hold up a pipeline project, you can take a photo with a depiction of a decapitated President. You can pose in the nude if that is your choice, or you can wear a hijab if that is your choice. You can pray in the streets and you can praise Jesus or denounce Him publicly. All of these things without arrest or execution. You are free. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I realized after 911 the cost of that freedom every time a soldier's death came on the news. When we had a processional in our town for a hometown fallen soldier and I saw the grief that fell upon the town and his family. I understood how important it was to protect freedom when I traveled to my home country of Serbia and my parents were stopped by a cop and everyone in the car was afraid of what would happen next. I realized it when I went back to the Emirates to visit and I was propositioned in front of a mosque and told I'd be taken somewhere I couldn't leave because I was a white female. I realized it when I went to Portugal and saw the struggle to make enough money to make ends meet by hardworking, smart individuals due to corruption in politics. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<h2>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Oath - The Finale</span></h2>
<h3>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I became an American citizen June 15th, 2011, 10 years after the attacks on 911 and almost exactly 13 years after I came to this country. </span></h3>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I swore an oath then and I still swear it today, 19 years after moving to this country, my feelings have not changed.</span></div>
<div>
<i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;">"<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;">I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state, or sovereignty, of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen; that I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God."</span></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px;"><br /></span></span></i>
I figured out where I belong and why I belong here, in a fly over state with no beach. I know where the beach is, I can move there tomorrow if I wanted to - because I'm free to do so. I am free to sing, write, agree or disagree. I am free to preach and free to request audience. I can read the Bible while reading the Torah and the Quran and nobody will come knocking down my door. I'm free.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-84010156487763047612017-04-11T07:54:00.002-07:002017-04-11T20:25:11.603-07:00Failure.<div class="MsoNormal">
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<h4>
Failure. Last night was a complete failure. </h4>
<div>
<br /></div>
It’s the only word I can come up with that doesn’t involve four letters and a mouth washing. My three-going on thirty year old was not having bedtime. She wasn’t having it at 8:00, she wasn’t having it at 9:00 and she wasn’t having it at 9:15. By 9:15 this mama wasn’t having it anymore either. I could not live through one more, “I’m thirsty,” or “I want to watch TV.” After a battle, I’m talking— screaming, crying, stomping on the floor, door slamming, battle…I made her Dad deal with her.<br />
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Somehow, he managed to calm her down. Whilst he was calming her down, (thanks for that, Babe!) I thought to myself: How can I lead grown adults if I can’t even handle a three year old? How will a grown adult be inspired by my actions or my service if I can’t even convince my toddler that 8:00 p.m. is the right time to go to sleep? Worse, how will I talk to someone about composure and forgiveness when none of those words had been in my vocabulary for the last hour and a half? I had failed. Miserably. Both as a parent and as a person.<br />
At around 10:30, after things settled down, I went back in to check on the little blue eyed monster. She peeked from the covers, still awake, and said, “I not crying anymore, Mama,” in the sweetest whisper. My heart broke into a million pieces. She wanted to me to know that she was calm now. All I could say was, “thank you, Mila.” I asked her if she wanted me to lie down beside her until she fell asleep, and she said, “Yea.” So I did. I told her I was sorry for yelling, and she just patted my cheek and told me she loved me.<br />
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<h4>
I realized in that moment that maybe, just maybe, what equips me to lead is just the audacity to say I’m just as messed up as any of you. </h4>
<div>
<br /></div>
Maybe what equips me is the boldness to let my child see that I am human, and I make mistakes. Maybe what might inspire you is that I will always extend an apology to my children, because that’s the human thing to do. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I grew up in a household where nobody apologized…my parents didn’t apologize to each other—they may have, somewhere private, but we never heard apologies and they also most certainly never apologized to us. Although they’d like to think differently, we children were owed an apology a time or two—or twenty. Don’t get me wrong, my parents were the best parents a girl could ask for, still yet, they weren’t always right. No parent is. Maybe my willingness to shout that will encourage you to do the same.</div>
<br />
First, convince yourself you’re not perfect and your kids don’t need you to be perfect.<br />
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<h4>
Children do not need an idol, they need a role model. There’s a difference.</h4>
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<br /></div>
Let me say that again, cos' I just took somebody to church. Your children DO NOT need an idol, they NEED a role model. They need to see your vulnerability, to see you fail, to see you apologize, and they HAVE to see you forgive yourself. Through those experiences, they will learn to recognize their own mistakes and to ask for forgiveness when they’ve hurt someone. Most importantly, they will learn that one failure doesn’t make them A failure. I don’t know about you, but there are adults in my life who haven’t learned that lesson.<br />
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<a href="http://fontmeme.com/signature-fonts/"><img alt="signature-fonts" border="0" src="http://fontmeme.com/permalink/170411/0c0f22161a6b9ab1207df75865c37529.png" /></a>Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com36tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-16142208488184361902017-02-14T21:12:00.001-08:002017-02-14T21:13:17.192-08:00Love Conquers All<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<h3>
<br /></h3>
<h3>
<br /></h3>
<h3>
Valentine's Day is winding down for a lot of us. </h3>
<div>
For others it's just heating up and if you're that lucky person, you're probably not reading this post. That's OK, this post probably isn't for you anyway. I think for many of us Valentine's Day is just like any other day, or so we tell ourselves. You know, the old "pretend you don't care so it doesn't hurt" trick. If that's you, I want to talk to you. I invite you to make a hot cup of tea and sit with me. You see, I'm very much like you. I've been there on Valentine's Day. I may have been in a crappy relationship at the time, or maybe I wasn't in one at all. Either way, I remember the sting of not getting remembered. I remember not getting flowers at the office, and I remember every excuse as to why. </div>
<h4>
I'm here to first tell you that it's perfectly normal to feel that way. </h4>
It's normal because gift giving on this day has become something everybody does, even if the gifts are generic and routine. It's normal to feel that subtle lump when everyone else is projecting happiness and positive vibes after just receiving a bouquet or a card. It's natural if you're not in a relationship to think, "when will it be my turn?" It's even normal to revisit past relationships and all of the decisions you've made to land you in the position to feel put off by the day of love. It's normal to get angry and sad if the wounds are fresh, and even if they're almost healed. This day brings out many emotions in different women depending on where they are in life. So, if for one second you thought you were weird, or awkward, or the only one- think again, because it's normal and it's OK.<br />
<h4>
You know what's not OK? Staying in a rut and letting it control you. </h4>
Feeling down for a while is normal. Staying down is not. Right now, if you're feeling miserable, no matter if you're single, recently separated, or in a relationship, you should commit to discovering why you feel that way. If you are single or recently separated let me affirm to you that there is only one relationship that has ever and will ever define you, and that is the relationship between you and Jesus Christ.<br />
During worship at Church last week a sentence was spoken and it hit my soul and I need to repeat it, and someone needs to hear this. You need to know that Jesus died for YOU. Yes, He died for us, collectively, and if that's a concept you believe in but it doesn't feel personal to you, hear this...You need to know that even if you were the ONLY one that would have been saved, he would have still gotten on that cross, for YOU.<br />
John 4:10 tells us, "In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins." How amazing is that? Jesus was completely blameless yet he suffered death so that you wouldn't have to. There isn't a more perfect love. There isn't a deeper feeling or sacrifice. This is also something no man can do for you. So, if you're out there waiting and there's a thought in your mind that you would feel complete in a relationship, I would encourage you to give God a chance. I have personally tried to fill my void in different relationships and it has never worked. This is because the void was a spiritual one and while I was chasing earthly relationships so that I could feel defined, I was missing the most important thing. Likewise, if you are out there and a relationship has ended for you, know that it is because something better was meant for you. You are not just a definition of a failed relationship, you are beautiful, and worthy, and spoken for.<br />
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<h4>
If you are in a relationship and you feel inadequate or empty, the solution is surprisingly not any different. </h4>
Loving a person despite their flaws is the hardest thing in the world to do, especially if that person has hurt us. While this is something I am still working through, I know that I wouldn't have even come half as far if I had<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
n't looked to God for an example. I am quite literally the least of them. The idea that I am worthy of a second chance and the miracles in my life is unbelievable. God forgave me, so in turn, I want to demonstrate the same forgiveness. It isn't easy. It's twice as difficult without communication and an open heart. I think in the hardest of times you've got to reach out to the Lord and pray for strength and understanding. Healthy relationships go well beyond Valentine's Day, candy and roses. In fact, if this day is used as a mask for all other crappy days in your relationship, I'm sad to say you're not headed in the right direction. It's time to armor up and have those difficult discussions, because without Christ in the center, the track record for success is short.<br />
<h3>
He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Isaiah 40:29</h3>
I wholly believe God has a special bond with women and He speaks to us differently and deals with us differently than men. I have seen women change their outcomes in ways that seem almost impossible and it happened when they stopped focusing on their relationships with men and instead worked on their relationship with God. All the other pieces to the puzzle began to fit, once the focus was shifted.<br />
<br />
Know that you are a gift and you were created for a purpose, and it wasn't just to live and die (metaphorically) by earthly relationships. Know that there is a God who would love to hear from you because He loves you and wants the very best for you.<br />
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I hope that if you're out there and you need encouragement that you would reach out to me and we can talk, or rather, you can talk and I will listen. I am not a preacher or an evangelist, I'm just a woman, in progress. I stumble everyday but my sole mission is to be an encourager and champion for those who need it most. Please feel free to drop me a line, ask a question, or share a story.<br />
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<h3>
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Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-85936077666162416572017-01-31T12:24:00.000-08:002017-01-31T12:24:05.010-08:00A New Day<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I accidentally stumbled upon an old blog of mine from 2012. As I read my postings and the wisdom I espoused upon, well, nobody really, I did remember how much I liked to write. So, I gave the blog a face-lift and decided to give this another shot. I have a lot more to say today than I did then. Life has tested me and in some ways broken me, and I believe I am all the more stronger for it. I hope that whoever reads this may find encouragement and help but most of all, truth of their own. I often feel I do not belong in this world, and if that's you too, welcome!<br />
<br />
I believe women are fierce. I also believe women are so much more than the box that social media and media in general have stuck us in. I believe there is power in femininity but I do not believe new age feminism has done anything for our gender, Oh and yes, I believe in gender. I am not here to convince you of anything you do not wish to be convinced of but, to merely offer logic and a different way of looking at the world. "Different" seems to be very frowned upon these days but here, we'll embrace it, unapologetically.Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-8924729092535710932012-02-09T08:12:00.000-08:002012-02-09T08:12:03.148-08:00Little victories, bigger lessonsSo Tuesday night after my boot camp class at the gym, I decided to step on the scale. I really don't like stepping on the scale considering it never seems to reflect how much work I put in during the week. <br />
<br />
I'm coming clean on this open forum and telling the world that I am technically "morbidly obese" when considering my height. Standing 4'11" to be exact at 167 lbs when I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without breathing heavily is when I decided enough is enough. I probably should have decided enough was enough 20 lbs ago and this journey would be so much easier but I was in a darker place then. The days when I woke up feeling worthy enough to be breathing were few and far between much less deciding I was worthy enough to be healthy and happy. <br />
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If some will remember, last year in July I decided I was going to try going on the HCG diet. I did it for close to a week and I wasn't dedicated. I was hungry all the time and the ends (in my opinion at the time) did not justify the means. In reality, I didn't give it enough time and I am sure if I actually put 100% effort and time into preparing the meals, preparing the snacks, and following the regimen I probably would have seen results within the week.<br />
<br />
I told you all of that to tell you this...<br />
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I have been religiously going to the gym 5 days a week 1-2 hours a day for about a month and a half. Before that, I started slow- 2-4 hours a week alternating between Zumba and weights and some cardio. I stepped on the scale and slowly but surely the numbers changed-- 167-166, 166-164, 164-162...and then the doom began. The scale read: 162....163....162...162.5 and the numbers would not change for about 2 weeks. To someone who is desperately trying to lose pounds and to feel better this is devastating. I started getting discouraged. This would be the point where my normal self would say, "forget it, it's never going to happen." and not go back to the gym...<br />
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So last night, I dredged over to the scale, looked at the for a while and got on. The room was transformed suddenly and I was on the "Biggest Loser" stage and Amanda's all too famous phrase was ringing in my ears, "Your current weight is......." I closed my eyes and said a tiny prayer.....<br />
<br />
......1.......................58!!!!!!!!!<br />
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I had to yank someone else over to the scale to make sure I was reading the numbers correctly. Oh, sweet victory!! I am no longer in the 160s...and you can bet your bottom dollar I'll never see them again!!!! I felt like a brand new person. To some it may be just a tiny bump but to me it was everything. It was the number I needed to see to feel accomplished and to feel as though I was capable of regaining control of my weight.<br />
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Hooray!<br />
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<br />
Little victory......about 4 lbs.<br />
Big lesson........it may have taken a little longer than I expected or wanted, but giving up and staying home would have ensured it didn't happen at all....better late than never.<br />
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155.....Your days are numbered.Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-10411828292961612162012-01-19T08:14:00.000-08:002012-01-19T10:38:53.575-08:00a REAL lifeCurrently at <a href="http://lifechurch.tv/">lifechurch.tv</a> we are in the "Better" series and last week we were discussing the verse: <em>Better one handful with tranquillity than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind. Ecclesiastes 4:6</em><br />
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You can find this message online along with other great messages from Life Church and Pastor Craig at <a href="http://www.lifechurch.tv/watch">http://www.lifechurch.tv/watch</a><br />
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This message to me was so powerful I can barely express it. The average American is way too "busy" yet when you speak to someone who is SO busy and actually ask them what they're doing, you will maybe find 2 out of 1,000 things they name off which are actually productive, useful, relevant, and meaningful. <strong><em><u>I'm one of those people.</u></em></strong><br />
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After this message I started making a list in my head of the things I did which actually matter and/or are necessary. <br />
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Here's my list...with a little bit of math (which I am not a fan of by the way)<br />
Work: 40 hours per week (8 hours per day-5 days per week)<br />
Sleep: 42 hours per week (6 hours per day-7 days per week)<br />
Gym: 5 hours per week (1 hour per day- 5 days per week)<br />
Church: 1 hour per week<br />
Daily Bible Reading- 6 hours per week (usually takes me about 30 mins per night to read through, analyze, pray, think, etc.)<br />
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<strong>40+42+5+1=</strong> <strong>88 hours per week worth of stuff that matters</strong><br />
<strong>24 hrs x 7 days = 168 hours exist in a week</strong><br />
<strong>168-88= 80 hours per week left over</strong><br />
<strong>80 hours/7 days= 11.42 hours of AVERAGE downtime PER DAY!!!</strong><br />
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Mind you the 11.42 hours includes the weekend days as well. So, on weekdays I don't have 11.42 hours of my day left after work and the gym. Still, my life never feels like I have ONE hour per day left over much less 3,4, or ELEVEN!! Which only leads me to analyze myself and realize that I am spinning my wheels. I am filling my life with things that DON'T matter...i.e.: t.v. shows, my phone, Facebook, Twitter, I would say my blog but I feel it's not a time waster because it may help someone. I worry too much and I'm sure that sucks up a good few hours per day. All this time I felt like I <em>barely </em>fit in cleaning my house and spending time with Sasa but reality is...I have all the time I need I have just been wasting it on things that don't matter and taking it for granted.<br />
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Pastor Craig said something which is still ringing in my ears, "GET A REAL LIFE!!" I am making a commitment to turn my phone off more, tweet less, give Facebook a break, give up on reruns and reality t.v. and actually do things which matter. I'm hoping to challenge people to do the same.<br />
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Time is something you can neither do over nor get more of, what are you wasting yours on?Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-89699940695657573942012-01-15T14:47:00.000-08:002012-01-15T14:47:46.431-08:00Lessons in disguise?Last Tuesday night was physically, mentally, and psychologically, exhausting. I left our house at about 6:40 p.m. and headed off to the gym for boot camp! Sasa left at about 7:05 p.m. go to school. Boot camp was a reality check for me in terms of fitness. I was winded within 4.5 minutes into the workout. I threw up halfway into the work out. I kept going and a finished but I felt very defeated. I left that class on the brink of giving up but there was a little part of me which still wanted to come back on Thursday and give it another shot.<br />
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As I drove home I wondered what it was about me when it came to working out. I am determined in every other aspect of my life. I'm determined at work both to do a great job, and to advance, not for the love of money or greed of any kind but to prove to myself what I'm capable of. I keep cooking even though I'm not the best at it, just to prove to myself that I CAN learn and master it. I am determined to learn more about God and grow in my faith so even when I least feel like it, I drag my butt to church and open my hear and mind to what the Lord will have me hear. Working out on the other hand...is an entirely different animal.<br />
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When I can't do something at the gym, I give up. I feel so depressed and I feel like it's not even worth trying anymore because I'll never accomplish anything. I keep going to Zumba because it's fun and I have some rhythm but when it comes to running, boot camp, weights or anything else-- if I get winded or tired before I feel I should I feel like throwing in the towel. This will require some prayer and some hard core soul searching. I'll never reach my fitness goals if I quit all the time.<br />
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I digress...<br />
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I was pulling into the driveway at about 8:15 p.m. I locked the car and proceed to walk up to our gate. I unlocked it and closed it behind me. I unlocked my house and flipped the lights on. Something seemed weird...I looked on the mantle above the fire place where our t.v. is placed but it wasn't there. My eyes drifted lower and I realized our play station was gone and my living room was trashed. Then...I heard footsteps and a banging noise coming from the backyard. A thought came over me and a good one at that..."run back to the car and drive off!" I was panicking at this point because I knew what happened...we were robbed. Afraid to go back home, I called the police. I didn't know if I had seen anyone, or if anyone stayed behind to get some more stuff so I didn't want to take the chance of going home before it was thoroughly checked out. The police found no one and just told me they were filing a report and to write down what was missing.<br />
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I feel....violated. I am surprised that I don't feel angry...on the contrary I feel fortunate that I didn't go home any sooner, or God forbid was still at home when someone decided to break in. I still can't be in my house alone. I got it cleaned up and we ordered an alarm system. I keep praying I'll be able to get over this, pray for those who did us wrong, and move on but it's just so hard. It's such a scary feeling being at home alone...I keep an eye out on every door in the house and jump at any sound.<br />
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Maybe there is a lesson in disguise in all of this...I just haven't found it yet..Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-7223799089912806092012-01-09T13:54:00.000-08:002012-01-09T14:04:18.153-08:00Productive Weekend and Recipe ReviewAs mentioned in my earlier blogs, I have decided to try meal planning. I am following the advice of Kindra and her blog Meal Planning 101- <a href="http://themealplanner.blogspot.com/">http://themealplanner.blogspot.com/</a><br />
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After a not-so-productive Saturday (Orthodox Christmas) the first dinner meal I decided to make was the Beef & Green Beans in Peanut Sauce. (<a href="http://themealplanner.blogspot.com/2008/04/stir-fried-beef-with-green-beans-in.html">http://themealplanner.blogspot.com/2008/04/stir-fried-beef-with-green-beans-in.html</a>) Let's just say that this probably wasn't the best recipe for me to start with. I apparently don't do well with recipes which require many ingredients. I didn't have a lot of the things this recipe called for when I made my grocery list and ended up spending more than I would have liked. That being said, I now have things that I'm sure I'll need over and over again in the next few weeks that I won't have to buy (ie: cornstarch, rice vinegar, sesame oil, peanut oil, chili flakes) I don't think my beef was sliced thinly enough and I could still taste the corn starch in the recipe once it was made-once again probably my bad! Over all the flavor was nice, savory, a little spicy and just the right amount of nutty.<br />
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Sunday was productive for us. We went to church (<a href="http://www.lifechurch.tv/">http://www.lifechurch.tv/</a>) and then headed over to PetsMart for some dog food. We decided to go pick up Sasa's golden retriever Niki who still resides with his parents and we took her to our house to play with Scooby and Lilly. <br />
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Sunday was pulled pork day <a href="http://themealplanner.blogspot.com/2008/09/pulled-pork-sandwiches.html">http://themealplanner.blogspot.com/2008/09/pulled-pork-sandwiches.html</a> so I placed the pork shoulder-butt in the slow cooker as soon as we came back. I finally took down all of our Christmas decorations and caught up all the laundry we had accumulated over the holidays. It's crazy how much laundry two people can have!!<br />
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I checked the pork a few times and it seemed to be doing fairly well. We took the 3 best friends (insert The Hangover tune) for a walk in the park and around the neighborhood and wore them out well. By this time it was about 6 p.m. and the pork had been cooking on high for about 4.5 hours. The recipe says to cook the pork in the slow cooker on low but my slow cooker's low setting equates to barely any heat whatsoever so I had to do it on high. The meat was cooking in plenty of fluids and it didn't seem to dry it out or make it tough at all. I removed the pork and began pulling it apart as the directions said to.<br />
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One thing I definitely should have done beforehand was to trim the fat off the pork. A lot of it fell off on it's own but some of it was hard to get rid of once the meat fell apart because it had gotten so soft and mushy. I left some of the liquid in the crock pot as the recipe stated and put the meat back in and added BBQ sauce. After a quick taste I decided I needed more liquid smoke in the mix as well. This is just personal taste and I'm sure every one's will be different. I let the meat cook for about 30 minutes per directions and then I served the meat on some toasted buns.<br />
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It was pretty good. The meat was still soggy and lacking that ultra smokey taste I was hoping for. I had meat for about 8 servings. I served 4 and left the rest in the slow cooker. I turned the slow cooker down to low to keep the meat warm but avoid drying it out. I came back to turn off the slow cooker (after forgetting about it for a few hours...oops) and took another bite...it was AMAZING! I stored the rest in Tupperware and we had some for lunch today...it's the best pulled pork I've ever had and I am so excited about it!!<br />
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Moral of the story...if you like your pulled pork very smokey don't be afraid to adapt the recipe and in my experience the longer you let it stew in the BBQ sauce on the lowest setting, the better it will be!<br />
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Tonight, I am making Baja Chicken Quesadillas...I'll be sure to update!<br />
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p.s. Thanks Kindra for the great site!Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-11388019243054550252012-01-06T14:37:00.000-08:002012-01-07T08:18:49.333-08:00Furry miracles and a long week!We have found Scooby Doo!!! A lovely couple, Skylar and Dave, found Scooby Doo when he crossed 6 lanes of traffic on a main street and went on an adventure. We skimmed through Craigslist and didn't find anything so I posted an ad in the lost and found section. The next morning, I had a message in my inbox that said they had found Scooby. I didn't believe it at first because there were two other dogs that ran away from the same area we lived in and were already posted for on craigslist. I asked Skylar if she could send a picture to verify it was him. When I saw his little face pop up on that text message I probably jumped about 3 feet. I was so glad that little guy didn't get run over, or sick, or taken. Lilly is still pretty indifferent about it...I think she's kind of put out that the little ball of energy is back to bug her. <br />
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This week although a day short has proved to be the longest week ever! I have been dealing with some unnecessary hatefulness coming my way but it doesn't matter. There will always be people whom you intimidate or rub the wrong way. This morning on my drive in I was listening to Chuck Swindoll. He was preaching on knowing your convictions and living by them and I smiled because I try to do just that every day. I am confident in who I am and my abilities, be it at work or personal. Therefore, a little hatefulness from people who are not equally grounded in their convictions and still trying to find their place in the world, is OK with me. I'll just smile, do my thing, and pray for them because they obviously need it. Life becomes lighter and a little easier to live when you know yourself and know that no matter what people around you think or say, you're going to be you without any reserve about it.<br />
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I hope everyone enjoys their weekend!<br />
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I'm looking forward to catching up on housecleaning, and trying out some meals from Meal Planning 101. <a href="http://themealplanner.blogspot.com/">http://themealplanner.blogspot.com/</a> Kindra has some fairly easy recipes and I really want to try the basics of meal planning. I feel it'll save us so much money...bringing us ever the closer to buying our first house =]<br />
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Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-53691918600289503792012-01-01T21:32:00.000-08:002012-01-01T21:32:56.409-08:00Holiday Blues and More Piggy NewsWhile packing to go to Tulsa this weekend for New Year's at my parent's Scooby Doo (our beagle) ran away yet again. He has a knack for finding the tiniest spots to crawl through/break free from etc.. He usually only makes it halfway down the block before we finally catch up with him and find some way to bring him back. This time he bolted full speed and there was no stopping him. He made it two blocks down the road before hubby almost caught him, then ended up on a main street. In the mean time I was getting into the car and hubby got in with me and we looked for Scooby. He was gone... one he got onto the main road, there was no sight of him. I just pray he is safe and hasn't gotten ran over. I have posted ads pretty much every where and hopefully someone soon will find him. Lilly doesn't seem to be very phased with Scooby's disappearance and a small part of me thinks she is happy to be our only child again...that pig! <br />
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To update, Lilly has been spayed and once her hormones had completely left her body, she became more calm. She is slowly but surely more affectionate and less likely to snap at people and try to bite. Her and Scooby would get into tussles here and there and Lilly would sometimes bleed and it used to worry me. She would pick fights with him and luckily, they were about the same size so they couldn't really hurt each other all that much. Which brings me to another lesson learned...dogs and pigs will fight... It's not a question of "if" it's a question of "when?" <br />
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Pigs are very stubborn and they have a pecking order. Part of being a pig is constantly challenging everyone around you to see where you fall in that pecking order. Pigs do it with adults, children, and other animals as well. It is very important to know this if you plan on or do own a pig. It is also important to know to stand your ground when your pig starts to test the limits. DO NOT SMACK YOUR PIG! Pigs don't forget and physical discipline makes them even more aggressive and violent. Use your height to your advantage and if your pig wants to square off with you stand your ground firmly and corner your pig. Do not show fear, and do not try to run. One effective way I've found is to almost make a fighting stance but slightly angle yourself so you look like you may charge at your pig. This is what pigs naturally will do, charge at each other with open mouths, or they'll try to head butt each other....therefore if you assume the stance and do not back down, your pig should realise they are ineligible to fight for your spot in the pecking order. <br />
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I have learned this trick with Lilly and I can now read her body language, when the little Mohawk on her head starts to raise and she gets a look in her eye like she may be ready to test me, I square off with her instantly and let her know I will have none of it. I loudly say "NO!" and "BACK OFF" and I send her to her kennel. She grunts and whines about it, but it works. <br />
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Scooby would spend the afternoons outside with Lilly and they would wear each other out. This would put Lilly in a much more relaxed mood when we came home from work, I'm a little nervous to see what life will be like if we don't find Scoob. I fear her anxiousness from being bored will cause her to start acting out again. Here's to hoping for that little guy's safe return...for the sake of my sanity!Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-11690033876022506802011-12-29T07:56:00.000-08:002011-12-29T08:02:53.111-08:00My first Book Review (may contain some spoilers!)- The HelpOne of my New Year's Resolutions is to make a conscious effort to read more. I decided to start a little early when the movie "The Help" was showing in theatres. I heard about this book a long while back and it's been on my list of things the read I "just never got around to it." (I know, lame!) I absolutely adore Emma Stone and I knew I had to watch the movie, but I really wanted to read the book first because movies don't ever give you all the details you need. A few weeks ago I broke down and downloaded <em>The Help</em> e-book for my iPad. <br />
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The way the book begins really sets the scene for the whole story. Some books take a while to get in to, where you're actually visualising the people and the setting, not this one. Aibileen starts speaking, and you listen intently and automatically imagine a full figured, strong, black woman in the South. Even her name is strong and wise! As you read through the chapter your imagination floods as all the key people are described almost too abruptly but necessarily. The South is always described through the eyes of the white Southerner and it's refreshing to get a different take on what was happening. There are some characters who you are unable to stand right from the start. You can just hear the shrill, haughty, put out voices of women who never had to lift a finger. There are also some characters you love instantly like Mae Mobley because of the sincerity of their character and what they represent in the story. The book leaves you hopeful about the futures of these characters. <br />
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Another cool thing about the book is the way the chapters skip from one person's point of view to the next. Time frames are not strictly followed in the book and I found myself back tracking a few pages to realize what amount of time had passed and how long certain parts of the story took place. This isn't necessarily a con, and I think it was done on purpose to highlight the highs and lows of the book. <br />
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One thing I will note as a con even though it might be my own fault is that I was expecting something POWERFUL. I was expecting a gigantic, disturbing, "change it all" twist in the story because the whole book hints towards a huge climax and I never really found one. The book definitely has some intense moments and "Wow!" factors but nothing really shocked me, or rattled me, or disturbed me as much as I wanted it to, I guess. I really would have expected a bigger scandal in the Phelan family having to do with Constantine and why Skeeter's mother fired her. I feel the book would have made a bigger impact if it took a tour down a dark alley and told some really dark secret of the South which we now know to be true (i.e. sexual relationships between hired help and their employers...sometimes even forced, verbal and physical abuse of the help by employers) With the absence of something equally as disturbing the book is kept semi-light hearted.<br />
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You definitely feel for the maids in this book, you feel their love for the children they sit, and even the sensitivity they have to some of the people they work for. The friendships formed without boundaries in this book are also touching. <br />
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Overall, I would say this was a good read. It left me hoping for a little more intensity but never the less, I enjoyed it and definitely found value in the story.Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-77793852506199219212011-12-19T14:54:00.000-08:002011-12-19T14:54:49.489-08:00Good News!!I wanted to share what I always knew to be true but recently decided to trust with all of my heart and soul. I wanted to tell you if you're seeing this and you are in a dark place there is hope because I have found it. I want to tell you that someone loves you, cares for you, believes in you and wants you to know it. <br />
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His name is Jesus Christ. He was born for YOU. He lived for YOU. He died on a cross for YOU. He rose again...for YOU. He loves you so much that He will not force himself into your life, He will come to you when you call...and He desperately wants you to call. <br />
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I want to testify to the Truth that is Jesus...and He is the Truth...(you can actually look it up in scholarly readings besides the Bible.) Those who know me well know I was not a religious person, I did not attend church, and I did not openly speak about Faith. I was depressed, unhappy, and fearful. When I found myself on my knees I decided it was time to pray...and I did. <br />
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If I found a product that I really liked and I bought it and it worked I would endorse it. I owe it to the Lord to endorse Him the same way. He is working miracles in my life...He is changing me, and the people around me in ways I never thought possible. All I can do is be thankful and now return the goodness and kindness God is showing by doing what He has asked of me to do...believe with all my hear, and proclaim with all my strength.<br />
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Amen.Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-85430558189421194042011-10-18T13:34:00.000-07:002011-10-18T13:34:30.899-07:00The next 25.My apologies for such a long while of not writing. I would say it was a hiatus but every time I hear the word I think of some big brain taking a little while to unwind because all they've been doing is theorizing and coming up with ways to save the world. So, I would be undermining the integrity of the word if I used it. This is more like, I meat to write but haven't gotten a chance.<br />
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I woke up yesterday and realized at the end of this week I will be 25 years old. A quarter of a century! I have been blessed with opportunities not very many people can take advantage of, and I can't help but feel lucky to have done and seen the things I have. Granted, my 25 year story hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows. Rarely anyone's ever is. I have made good decisions and at other times, very poor decisions. I have hurt people and people have hurt me. I've missed deadlines, and forgetten bills. I've had horrible days at work, and great days at work. I had very dark moments, and also ones filled with hope. I have hit rock bottom, and am clambering back up. There were days when I could not face the person in the mirror. There were days when I could not face those around me. There were days when I felt very unworthy, and days when I felt very ungrateful. I've been knocked down and lifted up only to be knocked down again. I've fought, I've lost, and I've won. I have listened and I have spoken. I have regretted, and forgiven. I have chased away many demons, and some still will not leave. Most importantly, I am happy to say...I've learned...and they say "Life is the geatest teacher."<br />
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In my next 25, I hope to worry less, relax more, continue working on making me better, and enjoy every single second. They go by quickly and wasting them on trivialities is an insult to the gift.<br />
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October is also Breast Cancer Awareness month so, wear your pink, donate what you can, hug the women in your life often, and do your part to heal the world.Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-39151275144193645652011-09-01T14:12:00.000-07:002011-09-01T14:12:16.384-07:00Wild Fires and HurricanesIt seems like the past few weeks have been absolutely insane in terms of natural disasters and weather. This of course doesn't include the huge tornadoes ripping through our country. Labor Day is approaching which for many means a three day weekend, and for some it doesn't mean much. To me, it's a time to be thankful and hopeful. I am proud every time I hear about a new volunteer group forming to help those who have suffered a loss. For someone who wasn't even born in this country, I get warm fuzzies when I witness how caring, neighbourly and willing Americans are in terms of helping each other. All you ever hear on the news, especially these days, is the aforementioned atrocities and also the ugly political banter which has done well to separate the people of this country in an attempt at personal gain. It's refreshing to see that people are still willing to give a helping hand, drive cross country, and spend their time doing something for their neighbours, whether it's a two mile separation, or an 800 mile separation. <br />
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I encourage everyone to realize that these things are what make this country great. The ability to always rise above, together. I encourage everyone to really listen to what is happening around them and before making judgements take a moment to walk in your neighbours shoes and consider all of the facts before drawing a conclusion.I encourage everyone to lay their egos and pride aside and realize you are part of so much more than your own tiny little world. I encourage everyone to believe in the power of love, and humanity. I challenge everyone to do something nice for a complete stranger at least 10 times over the Labor Day holiday, and if someone does something nice to you, I encourage you to pay it forward. Inspire those around you to be better people, by making a conscious effort to be a better person yourself.<br />
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You will take nothing with you when you go....but you will leave so much behind. The choice is yours whether it will be positive or negative.<br />
Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-71493074329961777272011-08-24T15:17:00.000-07:002011-08-24T15:18:23.355-07:00A Message for Employers/ RecruitersA recent conversation with a close friend inspired me to write this blog, because I have had it happen to me, and now several other people I know. <br />
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Creating a FALSE sense of urgency.<br />
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There are MILLIONS of people in the United States currently looking for jobs. Some are more fortunate than others and are currently bringing in income while others are desperate to get employed because they have no money coming in. The people who are desperately looking for work will be some of the most reliable candidates you have ever seen. They will be 15 minutes early to every appointment, they will come dressed better than anyone else, and they will emit an Ora of the highest professionalism you have seen thus far (there are of course exceptions to this general rule.) These people will also take it very personally when you blow them off, even if it is unintentional.<br />
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When you make your initial phone call to your prospective candidates <strong><em>do not</em></strong> open with something like this: "When is the soonest you are available to meet as we are looking to expedite this process and fill the position as quickly as possible." The over achiever, desperate job seeker on the other end of the line will take you for your literal word. They will shuffle anything in their current schedule to make it to the soonest appointment possible just to get a foot in the door. <br />
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This person will show up to their interview and do everything they can to impress you. When you are finished interviewing this person, they will still remember what you previously told them about needing to expedite the hiring process. Therefore, if it takes you two weeks to contact them for a second interview, or even with a rejection letter, you will leave this person confused, miffed, but worst of all with a bad taste in their mouth about your Company. Making your business or Company look bad is something no body should encourage or partake in, not even HR personnel.<br />
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Even if you really are looking to expedite the hiring process but the Vice President came down with a case of the chicken pocks and hasn't been in for two weeks leaving you with no decision making power, completely omitting the fact that you are "trying to expedite the process" in your intial contact with the person you are looking to interview will eliminate the potential for you to look bad in the long run and come up with excuses later on.<br />
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Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-17469156100445677202011-08-19T11:03:00.000-07:002011-08-19T11:03:26.066-07:00Family...I have often wondered what actually defines families. When you really think about it who we are, and where we came from is all chance. Or is it? <br />
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The word "family" comes from he Latin word "<em>Familia</em>." It defines a group of people who are connected by a) consanguinity (same blood line) b) affinity and c) co-residence. <br />
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It's funny to me that two out of the three possible definitions are matters of choice, and one of them a matter of chance or fate (whichever way you prefer to look at it.) It's also funny to me that the one determined by chance or fate, is actually the least defining characteristic of a real family. <br />
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Consanguinity is not a choice, one has no say in which bloodline he/she belongs to. But this characteristic is so petty and so little. Affinity and co-residence are matters of choice. You can choose who you're close to...you can choose who you live with (for the most part) and more often than not the people you choose to be close to and life with, turn out to be a bigger definition of your family, than those who share your bloodline. How?<br />
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They say blood is thicker than water... Physically you could say yes. But Spiritually?<br />
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In light of recent circumstances my answer to that question would be "No." <br />
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Have you read the news lately? Have you heard the horrors? Fathers sexually molesting their daughters, mothers drowning their kids in order to be able to party more. I mean, parents and children are the closest form of the consanguineous bond...so how is blood thicker than water when things like a perverted urge, or a party lifestyle come before it? <br />
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People adopt children every day and the way those families behave, the way they interact and love each other leaves no way to tell they are not "technically" a family. They fulfill the co-residence, and the affinity portions of the familial definition yet consanguinity never seems to matter. <br />
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People abandon their children all the time because of the choices the children make: people they chose to love, degrees they chose not to pursue, and the opinions they hold yet I have met people who have been friends for years who are closer to each other than to their actual family. <br />
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I don't believe blood is thicker than water. I think a family is what you make it. I believe there are consanguineous families who really do love and cherish each other the way one would expect but I believe that's a choice; because for every blood family that treats each other well, there's another that doesn't. <br />
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Behaving as a family is a choice. It comes from deep love and respect for one another which outweighs the love of self and arrogance. It comes from a place of peace and a mutual understanding that even though we may not always agree with one another, we love one another enough to see past it without forcing each other to sacrifice a part of ourselves.<br />
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Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-22105165038871510382011-07-28T07:49:00.000-07:002011-07-28T07:49:14.329-07:00Everything we can be<blockquote>People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;<br />
Forgive them anyway.<br />
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;<br />
Be kind anyway.<br />
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;<br />
Succeed anyway.<br />
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;<br />
Be honest and frank anyway.<br />
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;<br />
Build anyway.<br />
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;<br />
Be happy anyway.<br />
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;<br />
Do good anyway.<br />
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;<br />
Give the world the best you've got anyway.<br />
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;<br />
It was never between you and them anyway. </blockquote><blockquote>~Mother Theresa</blockquote><div align="justify">I have spent the past 8 months of my life analyzing and re-analyzing every move I've made, every word I've said to determine which actions, or spoken thoughts have led me where I am at this moment. I am not too arrogant, or proud to analyze myself. I kept coming back blank though. I have tried my hardest to come up with explanations of why a deep disapproval for me exists in certain people whom I will keep anonymous. I have even tried to ask those people where it came from. They cannot answer either. I came across the above poem the other day, and everything started to make more sense to me. It's just like Mother Theresa says (which I believe she did not write this originally) no matter how hard you try, or what you try it can always be perceived as something bad or wrong. As long as you know in your heart that you are doing everything you can to be a good person, friend, co-worker, wife, whatever, that is all you can do. </div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify">Giving anything less than our best is a waste of time and talent, however there are people who live in their own misery and plight that all they see is negativity and all they can do is try to drag everything else into their black hole of a mindset. Although we should never stop being all we can be, we should not allow negativity to surround us. This is easier said than done, especially for someone like me who has always found themselves eager to please. All that can be done to prevent people from dragging you down, should be done. Its an old saying; "Misery loves company." Its very true, too.</div><div align="justify"><br />
</div><div align="justify">We all have our days, I sure do. I'm cranky, nothing is going my way, and the world seems to be very dark. These thoughts are destructive, but we are all human and we all have them. The key is to realize when these thoughts have begun to consume you, and work to stop them. Try to find positives and think of them, before you know it more and more positive thoughts come and you have worked yourself out of a terrible mood. I practice this often, sometimes it works better than other times, but it lifts me up if only for a little bit. </div>Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-23881961647106934062011-07-20T13:35:00.000-07:002011-07-20T13:35:34.260-07:00Pereseverance<span style="font-family: Georgia;">When the world says, "Give up,"<br />
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."<br />
~Author Unknown</span><br />
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There's your thought of the day. How many times have you uttered? "I Give Up!!" I know I have. I also know that those moments never got me anywhere. In fact, it was the very opposite moments which have helped me accomplish things I never thought I could. The moments where I said, "I will NOT give up" are the ones where I proved myself to myself.<br />
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Example.<br />
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On a very hot day about 2 years ago I was helping a friend move into her new duplex. I was on a roll getting her living area neat and tidy while she was very pregnant. There were a few things left in the living room one of them being a big, old school, tube in the back T.V. I'll venture to say it was a 32" because I'm not quite sure. I am 4'11 and this T.V had to be carried into my friend's master bedroom and hoisted on an armoir that was taller than me. I'd say it stood about 5 and a half feet tall requiring me to lift this T.V over my shoulders and put it up there. My friend said, "There's no way we can get that T.V we'll just leave it for Anthony to take care of." I thought, "This woman has known me long enough to know you can't tel me I can't do anything." So my natural response to my friend was, "Wanna bet?" <br />
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I went up to the T.V in the living room and I lifted it. I knew as soon as I picked it up, there really was NO way I was going to lift that thing past my knees, much less over my head on top of an armoir taller than me. Breaking a sweat and huffing and puffing I carried the T.V to her bedroom. I thought my legs were going to give out but I did it. I stared at the armoir for a second and thought about how I was going to get this done. Meanwhile, my friend was on the phone telling her husband jokingly about what I was going to attempt.<br />
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Anthony laughed on the phone and said, "There's no way she's going to get it, tell her to quit joking around before she throws her back out." Of course this added fuel to my fire. I already didn't like being called out once, but TWICE?? No Way! I had an idea. If I were just taller I could get the T.V on the armoir...<br />
So I bolted back to the living room and began to drag two dining room chairs to the bedroom with me. I put the two chairs in front of the armoir with the seats facing each other. I lifted the T.V onto one chair and climbed onto the chair facing it. <br />
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After catching my breath from lifting the monster on top of the chair, I made sure I had enough balance and had my friend stand behind the chair I was standing on to make sure it was stabilized. I began to lift the T.V again, this time on top of the armoir. My arms were shaking from having lifted this dinosaur of a T.V the past two times, but I held tight. Sweaty and out of breath, I slowly managed to get the back of the T.V just over the top of the armoir, and I pushed the T.V back against the wall. I had done it! I felt like dying afterwards but I had done it!<br />
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How does this translate into a life lesson? Well it's simple, if you take "No!" for an answer, how will you know how far you can actually go? If you allow people, or the world to tell you what you are or are not capable of, instead of the other way around, what will you have accomplished? If you turn away from closed doors with your head hung low you'll miss the open window. No matter how hard something is, no matter how many people insist that you will fail, if you want it, or believe in it you should try and keep trying. You are the only person that will have to live with the regret of not reaching your dreams, or at least trying to...no one else.Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4829006776194782139.post-77494574655114389922011-07-15T06:18:00.000-07:002011-07-16T07:26:30.772-07:00Certify, Certify, CertifyI have been doing a lot of research over the different types of certifications available in my field of work. I have come to firmly believe you should certify in everything you're eligible for. It can do nothing but help you in the long run. I don't say this because it will fluff up your resume and make you look better, I say it because going through some type of certification program probably requires some learning, or at least refreshing of key concepts you either didn't know, or don't use and you forgot. Another benefit to certifying is that all professional fields are not constant. Laws change, times change, and as a professional one should always be trained in the most current aspects of their positions. A downside to having to certify is some certifications cost money. Another downside is some certifications require hours of testing. I would suggest doing all the research you can on what you need to be certified in. Figure out the next testing dates that will give you plenty of time to save the money needed for the certification, and also give you plenty of time to study, or attend the courses necessary.<br />
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For example, my SPHR certification will cost me about $700 after all is said and done. I am quite frugal in some respects, and I will not invest $700 into taking a test that I may not pass. Therefore, I will take all the courses I can and read all there is to read about the subject. First, I will coordinate a time to attend the courses, and figure out which test date after my coursework is complete will work for me. Then I will attend all the courses, read outside of the course and get prepared for my test. This way, I'll know I'm ready.<br />
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I highly recommend the same for everyone who has thought about a certification they would like to have, or that might benefit them because there's never any harm in learning more, especially when it comes to your profession. It may seem like a struggle at first, but in the end I can almost guarantee you'll get something out of it. Job security at the very least!<br />
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After all....learning is the point, isn't it?Biljana Nedinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12040532479548955515noreply@blogger.com0