Friday, July 8, 2011

Monsters Within

Last night was terrible. I have worked so hard for so long to try to control my anger and my outbursts and last night I just snapped. You know when you bicker all day and you reach the boiling point, in that moment you can't even get out the three most important words that you should in that situation? That was me. The words were in the back of my throat, and I knew I should have said them, but I didn't. I let all the emotion and all the hurt consume me and create an inferno so big, I couldn't even kill my own creation. I hate that person. I hate the person I become when I lose my composure. All I can say is, "Damn! I was so good for so long."

If I could give you any advice at all, if you cared to hear it I would say this. In the heat of the moment, I mean in the worst part where you're about to blow up and destroy everything in your path, stop. Stop and take that split second to think about the butterfly effect of your next few words. It's ok to not fire back with a quick, cutting come-back. It's ok to give silence a tiny chance. Just stop and say, "Please walk away." Those three words, not screaming or shouting, but a plea halfway with yourself, halfway with the other person to just give it a minute, and walk away. Because that heated second is the most dangerous one, where the meaning behind the entire argument in the first place is lost in an ocean of ugly phrases and snide remarks. This place hurts the worst. This place destroys people and relationships. This place amplifies the legitimate problems and turns it into something it never had to be. If we could just avoid this place by walking away, just for a little bit to give ourselves a chance to breathe and think clearly, I believe many arguments that turn into fights that turn into screaming matches and angry words can cease.

In any story there are always three sides, yours mine and the truth. Meaning, we will never be right. One person's vantage point breeds a different set of opinions than the other's. So we have to give both sides a chance to voice the problem, and be heard without the use of foul language and disrespectful words.

If we could just please walk away, just for a minute and give love the space and the chance it needs....


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