I Know.

I’m watching you self-medicate to cope and it breaks me. It breaks my heart to see you filling voids with empty, harmful things. I know the pain beneath the cover up. I know the sorrow behind the smirk. I recognize it because it’s lived inside me too. I know that even in a crowded room you can feel alone.

I know that in the middle of going through the motions of learning how to be okay, you’re also reminded that somebody destroyed you. I know the desperate need to not feel. I know the nights spent alone, on your face, wondering why. I know what that dark hole in the middle of your chest feels like. I’m very familiar with not knowing how you’ll go on, and picking up anything and everything to keep your mind off the fact that you’re lost. I understand your reality. I see you. I have felt the sting of an “I’ll never leave you” on my own skin.  I know what it’s like to pour out loyalty to not get it back.

I also want you to know that darkness is broken by the smallest sliver of light. That as long as there’s a crack in the door, you’re not alone. You will never be left nor forsaken. I know you feel lost - but you are never far from where you need to be. I want you to know you’re loved in ways I can’t even explain for reasons I’m not aware of myself. Know that on the other side of the choice you make to stop self-destructing, is beauty and real love beyond anything you could imagine in this moment. 

I see you, and I know...all of the goodness in you and all of the strength in you. You’re strong enough to rise, you’re strong enough to overcome.

Xoxo,

B.