We’ve put such pressure on ourselves and others to always be
the best and to always exceed expectations, that when someone, including ourselves,
doesn’t meet or exceed our expectations, we get angry and write them off as
unworthy. I’ll be the first to tell you I’m guilty.
I put rules and expectations on people that I never tell
them about and then get mad when they can’t meet them. I expect a certain
standard of behavior from my friends, relatives, romantic relationships and if
I don’t see that behavior, I feel offended. I don’t often stop to think whether
I am being the best version of me for others – and if you’re honest – you probably
do it too. Here’s some examples…
Example 1: You
get irritated when someone doesn’t text you back, but if you look through your
phone you’ll find at least one person you didn’t bother responding to.
Example 2: You
don’t get an invite to something, but the last three times you were invited
somewhere you chose to do other things or had some excuse as to why you
couldn’t be there.
Example 3: You’re
getting sick of your boyfriend’s lack of spontaneity and random displays of
affection, but you can’t honestly name the last time you did something fun,
sexy, or spontaneous just for him.
If we get down to it, we’re all guilty of some or all the
examples I named – or different versions of them. The truth is, we can’t be the
best version of ourselves every single day. If that were possible, we wouldn’t be
human, and we wouldn’t require grace. I fail 100 times a day or more. I fail at
being the best friend, the best Mom, and I absolutely fail at being the best girlfriend/lover/person.
I’m not okay some days.
I know social media is bombarding you with quotes and memes
about how you should be a Queen, be a boss, and excel at everything you do – and
most of the time you should. But I want to tell you that even on your worst day
– when your crown has fallen, when you can’t even boss yourself out of bed, and
when you feel like you’ve failed everyone – you’re still you, and you’re worth everything.
If you weren’t Super Mom today, it’s okay. If you weren’t #1 Dad today, it’s
okay. If you weren’t the best employee, friend, sister, or brother today – it’s
okay.
I’m not the best at apologizing or asking for forgiveness,
my pride gets the absolute best of me sometimes and the person I suck at
apologizing to the most, is me. If you talk to anyone who knows me they’ll tell
you it’s impossible for me to hold a grudge and that’s true, but when it comes
to forgiving myself, I’m the worst. There are things in my life over a decade
old that I recently forgave myself for. I had to figure out and understand that
– I wasn’t okay when I made certain decisions in my life and that doesn’t make
me unworthy – it makes me human and it isn’t possible for me to get it all
right all the time.
One day, my pride took a kick to the teeth…because when
people are interested in hearing my story, I get to tell them about Jesus, grace,
and how it changed my life. How can I tell people they were forgiven by a God
who loves them through Christ, when I couldn’t forgive myself for my own damage?
If Jesus’s blood was enough sacrifice for the Creator of Heaven and Earth to wipe
my slate clean– who the hell did I think I was? He is greater than me and He
already forgave. Once it clicked, there was no looking back.
In the same way I learned to forgive and liberate myself, I
learned to forgive others and liberate myself…from them. I learned to accept
apologies I’ll never receive. I know those people weren’t okay when they chose
to make decisions which hurt me. It doesn’t make it right, but it sets me free.
It frees my mind from thinking about it for one more second. It frees my soul
from the burden of carrying hurt, and it frees my heart to let people in and
love.
The alternative is dangerous, and I’ve been there too. It’s dark and it’s
lonely and it leads to decisions you sometimes can’t take back. This post comes
on the back of some awful news within the last week about people who were under
so much pressure to be successful, who seemed okay but weren’t and it led to
some awful results.
Extend grace wherever you go- first to yourself and then to everyone else.
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