Failure.

Failure. Last night was a complete failure. 

It’s the only word I can come up with that doesn’t involve four letters and a mouth washing. My three-going on thirty year old was not having bedtime. She wasn’t having it at 8:00, she wasn’t having it at 9:00 and she wasn’t having it at 9:15. By 9:15 this mama wasn’t having it anymore either. I could not live through one more, “I’m thirsty,” or “I want to watch TV.” After a battle, I’m talking— screaming, crying, stomping on the floor, door slamming, battle…I made her Dad deal with her.

Somehow, he managed to calm her down. Whilst he was calming her down, (thanks for that, Babe!) I thought to myself: How can I lead grown adults if I can’t even handle a three year old? How will a grown adult be inspired by my actions or my service if I can’t even convince my toddler that 8:00 p.m. is the right time to go to sleep? Worse, how will I talk to someone about composure and forgiveness when none of those words had been in my vocabulary for the last hour and a half? I had failed. Miserably. Both as a parent and as a person.
At around 10:30, after things settled down, I went back in to check on the little blue eyed monster. She peeked from the covers, still awake, and said, “I not crying anymore, Mama,” in the sweetest whisper. My heart broke into a million pieces. She wanted to me to know that she was calm now. All I could say was, “thank you, Mila.” I asked her if she wanted me to lie down beside her until she fell asleep, and she said, “Yea.” So I did. I told her I was sorry for yelling, and she just patted my cheek and told me she loved me.

I realized in that moment that maybe, just maybe, what equips me to lead is just the audacity to say I’m just as messed up as any of you. 

Maybe what equips me is the boldness to let my child see that I am human, and I make mistakes. Maybe what might inspire you is that I will always extend an apology to my children, because that’s the human thing to do.

I grew up in a household where nobody apologized…my parents didn’t apologize to each other—they may have, somewhere private, but we never heard apologies and they also most certainly never apologized to us. Although they’d like to think differently, we children were owed an apology a time or two—or twenty.  Don’t get me wrong, my parents were the best parents a girl could ask for, still yet, they weren’t always right. No parent is. Maybe my willingness to shout that will encourage you to do the same.

First, convince yourself you’re not perfect and your kids don’t need you to be perfect.

Children do not need an idol, they need a role model. There’s a difference.

Let me say that again, cos' I just took somebody to church. Your children DO NOT need an idol, they NEED a role model. They need to see your vulnerability, to see you fail, to see you apologize, and they HAVE to see you forgive yourself. Through those experiences, they will learn to recognize their own mistakes and to ask for forgiveness when they’ve hurt someone. Most importantly, they will learn that one failure doesn’t make them A failure. I don’t know about you, but there are adults in my life who haven’t learned that lesson.

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Love Conquers All

Valentine's Day is winding down for a lot of us. 

For others it's just heating up and if you're that lucky person, you're probably not reading this post. That's OK, this post probably isn't for you anyway. I think for many of us Valentine's Day is just like any other day, or so we tell ourselves. You know, the old "pretend you don't care so it doesn't hurt" trick. If that's you, I want to talk to you. I invite you to make a hot cup of tea and sit with me. You see, I'm very much like you. I've been there on Valentine's Day. I may have been in a crappy relationship at the time, or maybe I wasn't in one at all. Either way, I remember the sting of not getting remembered. I remember not getting flowers at the office, and  I remember every excuse as to why. 

I'm here to first tell you that it's perfectly normal to feel that way. 

It's normal because gift giving on this day has become something everybody does, even if the gifts are generic and routine. It's normal to feel that subtle lump when everyone else is projecting happiness and positive vibes after just receiving a bouquet or a card. It's natural if you're not in a relationship to think, "when will it be my turn?" It's even normal to revisit past relationships and all of the decisions you've made to land you in the position to feel put off by the day of love. It's normal to get angry and sad if the wounds are fresh, and even if they're almost healed. This day brings out many emotions in different women depending on where they are in life. So, if for one second you thought you were weird, or awkward, or the only one- think again, because it's normal and it's OK.

You know what's not OK? Staying in a rut and letting it control you. 

Feeling down for a while is normal. Staying down is not. Right now, if you're feeling miserable, no matter if you're single, recently separated, or in a relationship, you should commit to discovering why you feel that way. If you are single or recently separated let me affirm to you that there is only one relationship that has ever and will ever define you, and that is the relationship between you and Jesus Christ.
During worship at Church last week a sentence was spoken and it hit my soul and I need to repeat it, and someone needs to hear this. You need to know that Jesus died for YOU. Yes, He died for us, collectively, and if that's a concept you believe in but it doesn't feel personal to you, hear this...You need to know that even if you were the ONLY one that would have been saved, he would have still gotten on that cross, for YOU.
John 4:10 tells us, "In this is love, not that we have loved God but that He loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins." How amazing is that? Jesus was completely blameless yet he suffered death so that you wouldn't have to. There isn't a more perfect love. There isn't a deeper feeling or sacrifice. This is also something no man can do for you. So, if you're out there waiting and there's a thought in your mind that you would feel complete in a relationship, I would encourage you to give God a chance. I have personally tried to fill my void in different relationships and it has never worked. This is because the void was a spiritual one and while I was chasing earthly relationships so that I could feel defined, I was missing the most important thing. Likewise, if you are out there and a relationship has ended for you, know that it is because something better was meant for you. You are not just a definition of a failed relationship, you are beautiful, and worthy, and spoken for.

If you are in a relationship and you feel inadequate or empty, the solution is surprisingly not any different. 

Loving a person despite their flaws is the hardest thing in the world to do, especially if that person has hurt us. While this is something I am still working through, I know that I wouldn't have even come half as far if I had

n't looked to God for an example. I am quite literally the least of them. The idea that I am worthy of a second chance and the miracles in my life is unbelievable. God forgave me, so in turn, I want to demonstrate the same forgiveness. It isn't easy. It's twice as difficult without communication and an open heart. I think in the hardest of times you've got to reach out to the Lord and pray for strength and understanding. Healthy relationships go well beyond Valentine's Day, candy and roses. In fact, if this day is used as a mask for all other crappy days in your relationship, I'm sad to say you're not headed in the right direction. It's time to armor up and have those difficult discussions, because without Christ in the center, the track record for success is short.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Isaiah 40:29

I wholly believe God has a special bond with women and He speaks to us differently and deals with us differently than men. I have seen women change their outcomes in ways that seem almost impossible and it happened when they stopped focusing on their relationships with men and instead worked on their relationship with God. All the other pieces to the puzzle began to fit, once the focus was shifted.

Know that you are a gift and you were created for a purpose, and it wasn't just to live and die (metaphorically) by earthly relationships. Know that there is a God who would love to hear from you because He loves you and wants the very best for you.

I hope that if you're out there and you need encouragement that you would reach out to me and we can talk, or rather, you can talk and I will listen. I am not a preacher or an evangelist, I'm just a woman, in progress. I stumble everyday but my sole mission is to be an encourager and champion for those who need it most. Please feel free to drop me a line, ask a question, or share a story.

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The next 25.

My apologies for such a long while of not writing. I would say it was a hiatus but every time I hear the word I think of some big brain taking a little while to unwind because all they've been doing is theorizing and coming up with ways to save the world. So, I would be undermining the integrity of the word if I used it. This is more like, I meat to write but haven't gotten a chance.

I woke up yesterday and realized at the end of this week I will be 25 years old. A quarter of a century! I have been blessed with opportunities not very many people can take advantage of, and I can't help but feel lucky to have done and seen the things I have.  Granted, my 25 year story hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows. Rarely anyone's ever is. I have made good decisions and at other times, very poor decisions. I have hurt people and people have hurt me. I've missed deadlines, and forgetten bills. I've had horrible days at work, and great days at work. I had very dark moments, and also ones filled with hope. I have hit rock bottom, and am clambering back up. There were days when I could not face the person in the mirror. There were days when I could not face those around me. There were days when I felt very unworthy, and days when I felt very ungrateful. I've been knocked down and lifted up only to be knocked down again. I've fought, I've lost, and I've won. I have listened and I have spoken. I have regretted, and forgiven. I have chased away many demons, and some still will not leave. Most importantly, I am happy to say...I've learned...and they say "Life is the geatest teacher."

In my next 25, I hope to worry less, relax more, continue working on making me better, and enjoy every single second. They go by quickly and wasting them on trivialities is an insult to the gift.

___

October is also Breast Cancer Awareness month so, wear your pink, donate what you can, hug the women in your life often, and do your part to heal the world.

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Wild Fires and Hurricanes

It seems like the past few weeks have been absolutely insane in terms of natural disasters and weather. This of course doesn't include the huge tornadoes ripping through our country. Labor Day is approaching which for many means a three day weekend, and for some it doesn't mean much. To me, it's a time to be thankful and hopeful. I am proud every time I hear about a new volunteer group forming to help those who have suffered a loss. For someone who wasn't even born in this country, I get warm fuzzies when I witness how caring, neighbourly and willing Americans are in terms of helping each other. All you ever hear on the news, especially these days, is the aforementioned atrocities and also the ugly political banter which has done well to separate the people of this country in an attempt at personal gain. It's refreshing to see that people are still willing to give a helping hand, drive cross country, and spend their time doing something for their neighbours, whether it's a two mile separation, or an 800 mile separation.

I encourage everyone to realize that these things are what make this country great. The ability to always rise above, together. I encourage everyone to really listen to what is happening around them and before making judgements take a moment to walk in your neighbours shoes and consider all of the facts before drawing a conclusion.I encourage everyone to lay their egos and pride aside and realize you are part of so much more than your own tiny little world. I encourage everyone to believe in the power of love, and humanity. I challenge everyone to do something nice for a complete stranger at least 10 times over the Labor Day holiday, and if someone does something nice to you, I encourage you to pay it forward. Inspire those around you to be better people, by making a conscious effort to be a better person yourself.

You will take nothing with you when you go....but you will leave so much behind. The choice is yours whether it will be positive or negative.

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Family...

I have often wondered what actually defines families. When you really think about it who we are, and where we came from is all chance. Or is it?

The word "family" comes from he Latin word "Familia." It defines a group of people who are connected by a) consanguinity (same blood line) b) affinity and c) co-residence.

It's funny to me that two out of the three possible definitions are matters of choice, and one of them a matter of chance or fate (whichever way you prefer to look at it.) It's also funny to me that the one determined by chance or fate, is actually the least defining characteristic of  a real family. 

Consanguinity is not a choice, one has no say in which bloodline he/she belongs to. But this characteristic is so petty and so little. Affinity and co-residence are matters of choice. You can choose who you're close to...you can choose who you live with (for the most part) and more often than not the people you choose to be close to and life with, turn out to be a bigger definition of your family, than those who share your bloodline. How?

They say blood is thicker than water... Physically you could say yes. But Spiritually?

In light of recent circumstances my answer to that question would be "No."

Have you read the news lately? Have you heard the horrors? Fathers sexually molesting their daughters, mothers drowning their kids in order to be able to party more. I mean, parents and children are the closest form of the consanguineous bond...so how is blood thicker than water when things like a perverted urge, or a party lifestyle come before it?

People adopt children every day and the way those families behave, the way they interact and love each other leaves no way to tell they are not "technically" a family. They fulfill the co-residence, and the affinity portions of the familial definition yet consanguinity never seems to matter.

People abandon their children all the time because of the choices the children make: people they chose to love, degrees they chose not to pursue, and the opinions they hold yet I have met people who have been friends for years who are closer to each other than to their actual family.

I don't believe blood is thicker than water. I think a family is what you make it. I believe there are consanguineous families who really do love and cherish each other the way one would expect but I believe that's a choice; because for every blood family that treats each other well, there's another that doesn't.

Behaving as a family is a choice. It comes from deep love and respect for one another which outweighs the love of self and arrogance. It comes from a place of peace and a mutual understanding that even though we may not always agree with one another, we love one another enough to see past it without forcing each other to sacrifice a part of ourselves.

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A Potbelly Parent

I decided to lighten up the writing on this one!

So, in our around January I became a parent to a beautiful mini potbelly named Lilly (pictured left) My honey was not having it at first but soon....two hours after I brought her home soon....he was attached to her and she was to him. I must say, it has been a crazy ride, and I'm sure the best is yet to come!

This morning she was in one of her "moods." I believe it's because she needs to be spayed and her hormones are driving her crazy. She decided it was time to tear everything up in my house. It's 8:00 AM and I'm already running late, and now I'm chasing after Lilly half naked with a towel around my head trying to make her stop chewing on whatever she happens to be chewing on at the moment. If someone would have taped this, it would have won America's Funniest Videos. By the end of it, I was cranky and irritated. I finally got her outside in time to throw clothes on and run out the door.

I was told having a pot belly pig would be like having a toddler. Yup!! In fact I think it could be slightly worse....respect to all toddler mom's out there, because I was going nuts! Lilly is hyper like a toddler, moody like a toddler, whiny like a toddler when she doesn't get what she wants and yet, she can be the smartest little booger I've ever seen! She can open and close cabinets, doors, and drawers. She knows the meaning of the word "NO!" whether or not she chooses to listen to it is an entirely different subject though. She's really loving when she wants to be, and loves to cuddle on the couch with us. She picked up all the commands we have taught her almost instantly, but sometimes she just drives me INSANE!!!

Lilly is on a strict diet, and I definitely recommend that to all people considering a pet pig. She only eats Mazuri Mini-Pig Chow. For a treat she will get organic cookies (available at Petsmart which of course are intended for dogs, but they are made with mostly vegetables and don't have anything harmful in them. She will also get watermelon as a treat on hot days! I strictly follow the recommended portion for her size found on the back of the bag, and she gets plenty of time outside in the yard to run around and play. We also take her on walks when it's not too hot. Pigs unlike dogs, do not have a way of expelling heat from their bodies, so they try to cover up in mud. This is why most pigs wallow. Lilly has a kiddie pool outside and likes to wallow in it when she's hot.

Having her really is fun, but as I've mentioned before, it can be a little crazy. Pigs require more time and patience than dogs, because their biggest asset can get them into trouble. They are so intelligent and curious which leads them to tear things up or get into places where they shouldn't be. I suggest completely child proofing your house before letting in a pig. Also, get used to saying NO, and sternly at that because you'll start to sound like a broken record! Rule of thumb is, don't let a 5 lb pig do or get into anything you wouldn't allow a 100 lb pig to!

Happy Oinking! (oo)

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